ok,,so not enough to visit one hospital but two,,,,,,

so here i am just in from visiting colin,,who is fine ,,when the mobile goes and its the lovely james,,my son in law,,Louise has been admitted to the edinburgh royal with suspected appendicitis,,so visit two,,shes hooked up to drips slightly spaced out and not as in pain as she was,a young doctor,,in fact thought he was on work experience from high school,,seems he is a surgeon.decides they will go in,,x rays taken and desicions to be made,James returned with bag of clothes so i left,,melissa and i returned home,,early shift looming,,james will look after her,, so another mitchell trauma begins

bitter sweet

great news,,at last colin has been measured for his own power chair,,great excitment as much as when he ordered his new range rover,,ok not quite but nearly,,it will give colin independance and he will be able to wheel away from me,,,not that he would ever want to may i add as i am the centre of his universe,YES I AM,,,,move on ,,any way he then mentioned that we need to get a new dog,,checked his pulse and murmered about hallucingenic drugs,,and he went on ,,,a yorkie ,i can hear you say so that my little phoebe can have a chum,,a labrador so it can act as companion ,carer dog,,,ah no,,an irish wolf hound or deer hound,,WHAT,,,oh my giddy aunt what is he getting me into now,,is he thinking of taking up a new sport,,dog racing,,him behind in his wheelllie,,,woosh and the disapear up the city by pass like the hounds of the baskervilles,,,what a sight i will look walking this pony sized beast,,not to mention the size of pooper scooper required...well thats my colin for you.There was also marvelous news for one of colins inmates,,he told us yesterday,,he was very animated,,after falling on the ice in january he had been paralysed below the chest,,but slowly movement had started to return and for the first time this weekend he had taken a few steps,,the equivilent of winning the olympics in this unit,,we oohed and aaghed and were totaly delighted for him,,on returning to the ward i asked colin how he felt,,I wish it was me,he said,now what are we going to call this wolf hound,,,,,and that was that two minutes of regret and move on,,now that is my colin.

happy fathers day

my girls and i went for sunday brunch with all the family to take papa for fathers day,,i say all the family but not colin,maybe next year,,and so the girls headed west,,,I have had a hard week,,and realy exhausted,so i decided to take the afternoon off,,had coffe with isla and then corrine and went home to cook sunday supper for the girls..a rare occurence now but only weeks to go and Colin will be home and life will turn into some kind of normality.

what,where,when,who, why

Colin knows when im overtired,,i get silly i say things that normaly i wouldnt,,nothing sinister just waffle,,and so Colin yes im tired exhausted,,I would like to sleep but cant and to all out there its been one of those days,,and realy i should go to sleep,,moral of this story dont let an overtired chick lose on her laptop at 0055 when she should know better,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

two long days ,,48hours.

Im not good at maths,some would say my english is not so good either,,,,so i have no idea how long it is in minutes or seconds but it been too long since i was in glasgow to see colin,,work intervened and life must go on so visits were not possible,,i will be there tomorrow and he will have news from les on his conference in orlando,,and of a colleague and friend that has come in from the states to see colin,,dave binnie,,im sorry if that is not the right spelling.Because of shifts i was not there to meet him,,but colin will let me know all the chat.He is always so moved by people that have taken the time and the effort to visit,,i will be eternaly grateful.We are now on countdown to Colin coming home,,all is in place and barr any problems we are on track.If you are reading this derek please get better soon and get back to shift,,i need your chat,,its not the same without you,,,Annie remember you are a fairy,,we need your sparkle,and fiona what can i say,,,well we have said it all,,go girl,,i know that life is tough sometimes but hey whats the alternative,,,,

some day my prince will come,,,what when ,,,are you sure

Oh my god,,colin is coming home,,its just a two night pass,but its home.They had mentioned next week,,but I mentioned the highland show,,and the traffic and how it would be horrid to have to battle your way through,,ambulance service would not appreciate it,,and so his one night pass was lengthened to two nights for the following week,,much better.All was agrred barring health issues colin is to come home on the 30th,,his birthday,,,must look out jane ashers cake cook book,,note to self,,sure she bakes for sainsburys,well who will know,,EVERYONE,who knows me.So the homecoming will begin,,100 yellow ribbons to be sourced,valium to be purchased on black market,and diary to be adjusted,,this is a trial,to soften the real return,and yes WE HAVE A DATE.Colins discharge ,barring plague of locust,tsunami,volcanic ash, is the 20th july,,2010,,my flight to Rio is the 19th july,,only kidding or am i,,this is the scariest thing i have done in my life,,I know my family and friends are all behind us but when I shut that door at night there is only colin,and me,that little orange pill,yes joanne i will keep it close,,myself and my new bestest friend,,still to be sourced,miss valium. This was decided at meeting,,all will be in place,,the sufferin general is kicking us out,,Colin needs to come home,,i need him to come home,,his girls need him home.So the countdown begins,,note to self,,must check and see if you need a visa for Rio,,,,,,,

im so scared

yes i am ,,we have a goal plan meeting today,,i know its a good,,no great thing for colin to come home,,but its so scary,Hes been there for nearly 10 months,and its my bubble,,i know that hes ok there,that he is in seconds of help,and then he will be home and he will have me,And i dont trust me,,no way im no good.So realy im scared for him,and i think he realy should be,but i suppose its like everything we will muddle through.So i will let you know how this meeting goes,,and what strength of valium i will be on,,

sunday bloody sunday

I awoke late.5 am,,i was feeling real bad,,possibly the hot dog from cinema,,surely not,such a gastronomic treat.No i was feeling like a baloon with all its air out,,not sure what was working on me,,depression surely,,i want to be a girl in sex in the city,,oh for goodness sake move on ,,your the old bat in the mini,the beautiful clean mini,,no sweety wrappers and plastic fruit trays,,thank you Michael.Anyway cup of tea later i conked out,,so unlike me,,but awoke at 10am,I was a mess,,it took me half an hour to persuade my body i had to get out of bed and head to sainsburys,,i had a list for colin,,i had to try.with great manouvering sainsburys was eventualy reached,,a burkha would have been good,,it would have covered the jeans and very questionable top,,again note to self,,just because it says reduced does not mean its a bargain.I slouched around the isles,,filled my zimmer,,read trolly,,and headed west,Colin was there,,awaiting his fresh sparkling wife,but got me,,we sat he read the paper i slouched,THIS WAS NOT A PRETTY SIGHT.He suggested i go home early i complained id just arrived,,ok so my hair was in the style more seen on bambam,,my makeup or lack of it was not setting any new makeup trends,,the head on table possibly looked like i had had a stroke,,as did the slur in my words,,but i could reach above my head and smile,,well i would if id had anything to smile about,And so the visit continued,,Colin watching the grand prix,,hed have done anything yesterday barr be associated with me,,my head nailed to a table,,not the best of visits for Colin,,Ineed him home so i can lounge on my sofa,,like Mr Big,,Colin needs home so he can escape me into his study,,,well one day nearer,,he is well and a goal plan meeting looms on Tues,,so we will tantatively make dates and plans and the future will look good,,I will try tomorrow,,hair done lippy on and i will be fresh and witty,,and will claim an alien took over my body this weekend,,and Colin will smile and nod and all will be well.

oh joy,,,another weekend

Dear friend,,another weekend passed in a blur,,,Sat was work,,so the lovely Melissa visited her dad,,its worrying the number of people that think she looks like me,,poor child im sure the social services will be able to arrange counceling.So another shift at work was done and Peter and my mum arrived and the man with a hammer began,,All and any pictures where nailed to a wall,,the tate gallery has nothing on us,,it realy is quite scary how much tat can be naield to walls in such a short time,,wails from children off ,,your not putting that on the wall,,well yes i am ,,well at least there is now a nail there and something better can be hung eventualy.So number one child,,Louise demanded i accompaqny her to sEX in the city,,it will win no oscars,but it was fun,,and reminded me very much of my recent trip to dubai,,less of course the shoes ,gowns,men,hotel plane ,limos ect,,but yes on the whole very similar trip indeed,,i too was out of medication,,well who takes enough to cover the unexpected volcanic erruption,,oh how i sympaphise with samantha as she devouvered those yams,,yams,,do you reckon they sell them in waitrose,,note to self check out yam department waitrose.Now feeling uttereley distraught that i am not even trying i slinked home and after slipping into my la perla nightie between my ralph lauren sheets,,read primark jammies reduced to 3 pound from 5,,not exactly matching bed linen,and bolle,,well cup of tea,,ok so my lifes a sham,,im not carrie or samantha or Charlotte,or the other ginger one,,who is realy a lesbian and did they realy go searching for the ugliest red headed child for that film,,But on the plus side i do have enough nails in my wall to await future art work,,so how can a girl complain

the mean streets

Colins recovery continues,,i hate to jink it but no problems at this time,his skin and chest clear and with numerous visits from Melissa and Shelley,Louise is working ,has kept his spirits high.As in every unit patients come and go,,although the spinal unit keeps their prey longer than most,,this week saw one of our longer staying friends return to the community,,to save my knee caps i will refer to him as my gangster friend.On his return to freedom he felt best to bite the bullet and brave the mean streets of Glasgow where on his patch he is known as a big man,he knew he was being watched,,not difficult to spot 2 plain clothed policeman in his territory,,they were obviously letting him know they knew he was around,,anyway he wheeled around saying hello to old mates when he was approached by two uniformed police to his amusement to be asked his whereabouts at a certain time as a push bike had been stolen and the witness had said he had seen 3 men and a chap in a wheelchair who matched his description lurking.I ask you what was he going to be doing with this bike,,so his day continued and on his way home he came face to kneecaps with two young thugs a bit worse for the wear,,who decided in their drink fuelled bravery to challenge the big man,,although confinde to a wheelchair,,and tried to mug him for his trainers,,,oh my god this is true ,,two weedgies tried to get his trainers off him,,how sick are they,,but he fought them off and they obvilously thought better of the situation and ran.So this once feared chap is going to have to stamp his authority on his territory once more and i suggest those two fools hide or at least leave the mean streets as this guy has a long memory and many connections or never mind trainers they might be wearing cement bootees,

formula one,,move over penelope pitstop,,,,

well i knew it was only a matter of time,,it had to happen,,Colins adrenalin has kicked in,,he can now be seen careering around the southern general in his power chair,much to the horror of the physios who in no uncertain terms felt that 1 would be a good speed to start on,,but did he listen did he heck as like,,so 2 was reached and off he went,,of course straight was not an option ,not when slightly squint would do and straight into a wall,,oh yes,Colin is back,,next he took out another wheelie,tom,in the dining room,,possibly he just rode him off,but tom,is being treated for stress and a. no win no pay case. is being discussed.There is no holding him back,no corridor is safe,no doorway barred.Emergency meeting held and 2 now seemed an appropriate speed,,would that do,,would it heck as like,,Colin gave me one of those knowing smiles and said ,,so wonder what its like at no 5,,if he breaks his neck again,mark my words i will leave him,,telling friends and family your husband broke his neck playing polo is one thing,,telling them he did it again while out of control of a power,electric,chair is another.Reckoned this might become an olympic event,,and heard myself asking if he needed a helmet for this new adrenalin sport,Anyone have a spare pair of fluffy die and an L plate.

and not forgetting marion

oh i do hate when i start trying to thank people i always forget,,not that they arent in my thoughts just not in my head,,its just my mind is frazzeled,,marion,rachel,,the list goes on

to gaelle with love,,,,

hi gaelle i cant believe you are still reading this blog i thought you would have been bored ages ago,,its nearly 9 months can you believe,,i could probably tell you every minute of the time in the western,,sometimes i think it was the best,,sounds bizarre i know but it was my bubble and you all understood and it was all around colin and keeping him alive and there is so many people i would love to thank,and all the things along the way,,his fingers yes they wiggle but not enough strength to push a buzzer,,his toes,,well same realy,,he can move his legs a little,,but there is no connection and no strength so of no functional value,,i have learned the jargon,,i know the word,,but as you know his injury was so massive there was no way he would walk away.He is practicing with an electric power chair,,using head controls,,his fingers are not strong enough and he cannot move his arm so he has to use his head,,and that has limited movement.His chest is clear at the moment,,and he has just started to build up time after a pressure sore,,twice in nine months,,not too bad but his skin is vunerable.Our house is now ready for him,,we have a substantial care package,,we contribute to it and its not cheap,,but its only 4 times a day and im scared,,there is no way i would be able to hoist or turn on my own but i will have to cross that bridge,,i think colin will be petrified.His life in my hands,,poor sod,,so all in all Colins body is not there anymore,,as you know all bodily functions will be managed but his brain and his heart are all there,,and so we thank our lucky stars and move on.Im tired running on low,,the blog keeps me going,,mad or what,,and Colin accepts my bizarre life,,im hardly ever in,,either at work the M8 or at hospital,I feel im letting the girls down by never being there and i cant not not be there as i love him.You see tradgedy and joy every day Gaelle,,but this is neither,,just an ordinairy family trying to get back their life.One expression i hated in the beginning was ,,its early days,,of course you were all right,,and sometimes i feel we havent even started,,but then i read a message from someone like yourself and it makes me smile,,life is not great its good and will get better,,but best of all is the love and friendship i have found and thats what keeps us going,You sandra karen mcsorley,all the people that listened and cared you are the people that matter,,and even if Colin never lifts any of his fingers again,,or moves his arms legs or toes,hes still here and we are grateful and it was all due to you and the rest of the guys and i will always be eternaly grateful.

am i still dreaming

not the best of days today,,early shift did not help..i was tired and grumpy and life always seems worse after an early shift.Colin was up building up hours when i arrived and so we sat in the sunshine for a few minutes and he read the scotsman and i tried to pretend i was not about asleep,,and then out of the blue a nurse appeared and told colin it was time to go back to bed,,i couldnt beleive it but he still is building up time and his skin is priority,,so back to the ward .the sun would have to wait.Poor colin,,it must be a nightmare dealing with me after an early,,but he does,,and never complains.this visit passed slowly,,we both nodded off,colin in bed me holding his hand sitting on those hard wooden chairs,,the kind of sleep where you feel your head dropping and sit up suddenly with a start.bizzare,,and so his release from me came and i headed east,,the rain was shocking but it kept me alert at least,and here i am once again when i should be asleep,,or maybe i am ,,is this a nightmare or are Colin and I still dreaming,,,I would like to think so.

clean clean clean

has anyone had any building work lately,yes,,well you will know what a mess even the best guys make,,stour dust and well you think your house will never be the same again,,so i bit the bullet and called a firm who arrived early and cleaned and cleaned,,while i hid in the kitchen pretending not to be lazy,,so now my house looks like the little mice from cinderella have been ,,and yes before you say it i am the ugly sister,well my prince charming has a lovely clean house to come home to when he is ready,,but he better hurry up as im not sure i can keep it like this for ever,,ive started moaning at the girls,,where are you going with that glass,,who left that cup there,,oh for goodness sake,,,colin was good today,he was so keen to be good for john i think he tired himself out,,he is not long back up so it takes time to build up his stamina again,,but he wil and we will get him into the sunshine tomorrow,,i think its going to be sunny,,and he will be ok.And if anyone sees me eating anything chocolaty kick me,,i cant beleive im so fat,,im living off m/s egg sandwiches,m/s chocolate eclairs and blue berries,,thats the healthy bit,,my one a day,,put me in a shell suit and i would slot right into little britain,,what what no but ,,,or maybe even bubbles,,oh my god ive just realised they made that characterr round me,,bubbles that is,,thats it carrott sticks,humous and water,,lets face it colin doesnt want a fat bird,,

two angels

Angels come in all different disguises,,some just appear with feathered wings when you least expect them,,some you dont even see they just hover and help you through,,but these two angels flew in on their private jet.John and Susan Sykes flew in from Tampa to visit Colin,,thats the sort of people they are,they just dont say the right things they do the right things.They care,nothing is too much,,this is the second time they have flown across,,the first when colin was still in intensive care and ventilated so they were delighted to see Colin as he was this last two days.Up and alert and loving every minute of their visit,John will probably never know how much this time means to Colin,it means everything.To know that someone cares enough for you and your family to fly across the world to visit means everything,,John was Colins mentor at work,,he passed on so much of his experience and Colin learned,,they entertained us at their race horse stud,they made us feel more than just employees.It is a gift to care for people,not just your family and we are lucky enough to know them.We will never forget their kindness and Colin will work hard to not let John down.

put on suicide watch

ok well not realy ,,but as i sat at work on late shift ,,lifes a bitch and then you die,,floated in my head,,late shift so i cant see colin,,late shift so i cant do all those thousands of phone calls,,oh well they can be done tomorrow,,and colin understands,,two people told me about their forth coming holidays,,god i hate that,,well not realy but i do feel quite hard done by,,children working out there lives,,how dare they,,social workers telling me they are going on holiday,,oh for goodness sake i get it,,everyone is going off on some 18 to 80 club holiday,,well i hope they all burn,,turn tomato red and get deli belly,,you see im such a nice friend but not when it comes to holidays,,that i envy,,lust over,,but colin and i can sit on his ramp,,the one that can be seen from space,,its now to be called my balcony or terrace,,and shut our eyes and think we are on a cruise,,or barbados or well any where realy,,cocktails will be served,,well at least mugs of tea.and if you pop in ignore the straw donkeys,kiss me quick hats,and two people sitting in shell suits,,matching of course because lifes a bitch and then you die,x