When words are never enough...Friday/Saturday

When did you last say thank you? "Want a cup of tea?"- Thank you. "Have a biscuit." Thank you. "Thanks for the lift", "Whats the time?- Thank you. Mind your p's and q's.
"Remember to say thank you". Oh yes, this was drilled into me and my children from the time that we could talk. "What do you say, please and thank you!"
But when was the last time that you really meant it?
Well this is one of the times that I REALLY mean it.
Thank you to the following-
1) My family. Parents, brothers, girls and Colin's family. Thank you.
2) My friends, without who I would have gone insane- Shirley, Fiona, Gail, Isla, Corrine, Kim and Orkney Susan- Thank you.
3) My polo buddies. The Douglas family, The Swanson Family. Thom, Jeff and Gillian, who saved Colin's life. Thank you. Fiona and George Middlemiss and Perth and Edinburgh Polo Clubs. Thank you.
4) My BMI friends. Annie and the diamond dollies (sorry Derek). Wilma and Dora for the coffee mornings-Thank you. And CSA, you know who you are.
5)John, Susan and Chuck Sykes- Les and Wendy. Colin's Sykes family. The banner and cards were received, smiled and cried over. Lovely people, sometimes those who had not even met Colin who cared enough. Thank you.
6)Darcy's new family. She has been adopted by a lovely gamekeeper and is now being allowed to sleep in the house. She is very happy. The More-Nesbitts, on behalf of Claudissia, and Debra at Dolphinton. Thank you.
7) Colin's falconry friends. Especially Andrew Knowles- Brown and family. Thank you.
8) The nursing angels and doctors at the ERI and Western Edinburgh and at the Spinal Unit in Glasgow Southern.Thank you.
To all these people and many many more, thank you for crying with me, laughing with me and being there for Colin, the girls and me. No words can ever tell you, so I suppose thank you is all I have.

Friday
Alarm at 3am, been awake since 2. My morning routine most days now. Work politics grinding away, never ceasing to amaze me. By 1300 (1pm), yes 1300, not 1259 or 1301, I leave. Another 8 hours done, another problem created to keep me awake. Real life resumes. Drive to see Colin.
He is on the DIY vent, thank goodness, progress. Muscles rubbed, chat done, news given, eye brows raised as I relayed new work issues. I need Colin to speak, to mentor me through this next pointless issue. "Weakest link" watched, 1700 meds (did I tell you I'm really at Consultant level knowledge, hence the reason for the medical jargon). Family and friends news all relayed. Colin is tired (I hope not of me!). Does the light really hurt his eyes, or is he just blanking me out of his world. WAKE UP! "I have driven through, so you can listen to my story! So, then she said....
I stayed with my Auntie Helen, a half way point between the hospital and home. My mother's younger sister who I adore. As a teenager, she took me riding, skating etc. On her dates (well I was her chaperon), she was exciting, still is, eccentric, glamorous and funny.
She is poorly, but never complains. She has two boys who she adores- one daughter in-law, and one daughter in law to be (very soon). Wedding in two weeks, great excitement. She was married to Buck for too many years to remember. He was the greatest; loud, funny, handsome and one of the nicest people I will have ever known. I adored him from the first minute to the last. He passed away this summer, with great dignity, surrounded by his family and all the love in the world. It was a privilege to be part of his last days, and at no time did he once say, "why me?", a lesson I hope I will carry forward.

He is a great loss from my life and to Helen's, no one will ever know.
A supper of salmon awaited my return. She knows me too well. We sat, and chatted, and cried as we discussed our two men who we love beyond all measures, the fathers of our children, our best friends. Memories were shared, problems solved, loneliness lifted. It was 2am and I had not reached my bed. Exhaustion levels obtained, we both retired for the evening.

Saturday
Early visiting, the two eldest go first to see Colin first. Saturday rituals began. Scotsman read, tales of school, Louise and Melissa's professions. This week even the Gruffallo featured heavily- "A mouse took a stroll through the deep dark woods...". The girls witter on, massaging hands and feet while Colin, still on DIY, concentrates hard on breathing, becomes quite agitated. He lives for these days, for his girls. I give them their time and arrive later straight from Helen's.
We chatter on, and the girls head home. To continue living their lives to bring new and interesting stories for the next visit.
As the girls leave, Les arrives. He is like Colin. Methodical and a man. So man chat, work etc. ensues, my eyes glaze over, I leave them too it.
Thank you Les. Colin appreciates all you do. Melissa, the practical child, even conned him into chopping logs for our fire. We now have enough logs to stay warm all winter! Yay!!
Colin's Global Sykes Family, have sent him a massive banner from Tampa. Messages and love from people so far away, eyes glaze over, however this time it is with tears. Novels Colin and Les have read were discussed and DVDs that Les has enjoyed recently were promised!
Colin continued to become more agitated with his breathing as the evening continued, feeling that his breathing was too fast, possibly hyperventilating. Stats and temp checked, all is fine. He is doing really well, Katie called over again, machines and tubes all checked. All is fine.
Colin is quiet, listening to his breathing, every breath laboured.
I discussed this with Katie (his nurse) in the corridor, she assures me that he is fine, but sometimes when you have been on the ventilator for so long they can come to depend on it. Obviously it had kept him alive, you can become scared, scared that your own body may let you down. Scared to relax, to stop listening to your every breath. We sit in silence. I too now watching every rise and fall on the monitor
This is ridiculous. Colin's body is working, how I'm not sure. In the first few dark days of the Western, and even in admitting to the southern, it was explained to us that Colin would be vent dependant. Diagrams were drawn
acceptance started, but no-one drew the diagram for Colin. No-one told him, so obviously he hadn't understood the rules and just decided to breath anyway. I will allow him another 24 hours of this paranoia, then the wife from hell will return and tell him to buck up and get on with it. "Suck it up" as Louise has been known to say.
X-factor beckoned as I hit the M8. Phoned the hospital at 2200, he has done 14 hours DIY. What can I say, the wife from hell is put away until next time, but please believe me, she is there!