Colin was not too bad on arriving yesterday afternoon. Dad,or papa as he is known drove me through,he is so kind. Its a way, i know, that he thinks he is helping.Which he is! As well as being a great provider of smoked salmon. Colin's temp was stabilising, and his infection was being controlled by the new antibiotic. A great improvement. He was also managing a different setting on the ventilator, .one that allows him to breathe but kicks in if he forgets or doesn't take a breath. He was in a calm state of mind,we chatted. He was slightly emotional when i told him of Bill Mackays appearance at my work, the husband of Christine Gilzean as she was. She is one of these people that you don't have to speak to weekly or even monthly, but the minute I did it was as if we only saw each other the day before. We have been through births, deaths and marriages together. She has been married to Bill forever, so when i saw him ambling through the doors i was delighted. They have known the situation with Colin from the beginning and after a big hug he asked for an update. Me being me, I sprouted on and it wasn't till i realised the emotion on bills face i stopped. 6ft 1 and obviously still hurting about his friends predicament i stopped. "I'm leaving before i get worse." he said and was off.
Many times a day i get that feeling, the flash were for one second reality is not there. When someone tells me something silly or funny and i think i must phone Colin, and then i remember, hes still with me but so far away. The normal things like phoning him to say, "stop for pint of milk on the way home", or burdening him with my latest tales of woe from work. No, now i have to wait till 4 till i go through the ward door, and then i see him and think really is it so important in the end. Does the situation at work that keeps me awake at night or the social worker problems, really mean that much. No they don't obviously, but Colin understands. He has so many of his own problems that he cannot communicate without expelling a great amount of energy, so really at the end of the day i don't have too much to worry about.
Many times a day i get that feeling, the flash were for one second reality is not there. When someone tells me something silly or funny and i think i must phone Colin, and then i remember, hes still with me but so far away. The normal things like phoning him to say, "stop for pint of milk on the way home", or burdening him with my latest tales of woe from work. No, now i have to wait till 4 till i go through the ward door, and then i see him and think really is it so important in the end. Does the situation at work that keeps me awake at night or the social worker problems, really mean that much. No they don't obviously, but Colin understands. He has so many of his own problems that he cannot communicate without expelling a great amount of energy, so really at the end of the day i don't have too much to worry about.
Oh Charlotte, your blog has become for me, as I know for so many, our daily addiciton. It makes us feel so much part of your highs and terrible lows, but it means that I don't pick up the phone to talk to you as often, because I feel as if I am communicating with you. But you don't know that....I don't want to phone and tire you and it never seems to be a good time, but please know that you are never out of our thoughts and we talk about the blog updates daily, sometimes several times a day. You have had a very tough week, so pleased to hear that Colin is fighting off yet another infection, please give him our love, and of course to you and the girls. Amanda and Jeff x PS LOVED the recent photos
ReplyDeleteHi Charlotte - Shirley here (Norma's Sister) we have just dragged Nor kicking and screaming into the techno world of Facebook so watch out for her ramblings!
ReplyDeleteI am typing but she is on the phone so these are her words - Hi CJ don't even think about going to RIO without me!! and to hell with that turning right mullarkey - we only do left!! Shirley has read me snippets from the blog and I am delighted your sense of humour has not got up and gone to RIO without you hun.
I am channelling positive thoughts north and I will be in Edinburgh soon and would love to see you? All my love to you all Nor xx
Ditto from Nor's PA ;-) xxx
Dont even think about work! Just concentrate on Colin and your beautiful girls - they are whats important in life!
ReplyDeleteSo glad Colin was feeling better last night - lets hope things go from strength to strength now. We are all thinking of you Charlotte and willing Colin to get better with every day that passes.
Hope you manage to get a decent sleep tonight!
xx