Friday

Please don’t read this if you have had a couple of glasses of wine, or feeling down, as this has been a bad day.

Ok, I’m probably feeling sorry for myself but hey, sometimes I cant help it. I’m not really sorry for me, I’m just tired. “Tiredness can kill” read the sign on the M8 as I drove home, tears rolling down my cheeks.

Doris Day’s Christmas CD playing. During ‘driving home for christmas’ I thought “Ok, now I’m really depressed.”

It has been a really bad day. Work- enough said Move on.

Arrived at the Southern. Colin was sleeping. He was tired, busy morning of physio and all sorts. His personal care need catered for by girls not much older than his own. He copes well, never moans. He lets me do that for him! Bowel, bladder, all controlled. Pain meds administered. Not a single function is now his own.

Colin was in great pain today. How can something he cannot feel cause so much misery?

He is now eating. Sludge. This has to be the way as he has not swallowed in 12 weeks and had to work up to eating solids. But the worst part for him, has to be that I now feed him. Not easy for either of us. But he handles it with dignity. That’s my Colin.

Diasopan is administered as his SATS had fallen. Two nurses manipulated his chest to rid him of congestion.

He settled and I left. Tiredness does not kill in this situation, but it definitely makes the whole day a lot worse.

But tomorrow will be better. I will sleep tonight and Colin will be there tomorrow. Life will go on.