trouble at mill

woke this morning to not much better mood,,les text hes going to see colin tonight so at least he will have company,,i have work,,and there is a trouble brewing,,of course im too discreet to go in to details but lets say,,well lets say nothing actualy,,walls have ears,,,annie douglas phoned last night,that cheered me up,,shed phoned a few times,,but my life is chaotic,,no eastenders,coronation street,,no M8 is my life at the moment,,but it will not be this for ever,,oh by the way winter olympics have put in bid to use my ramp as the ski jump..i am contemplating this,,but with the possible closure of hillend ski centre there are a few business opportinities available to me at the moment

seen from space

the day got no better,,Colin seemed to be on a bit of a downer,,not sure why,,tried the usual,,are you tired,are you in pain,,,are you bored with me,,dont answer that but it was no to all,,so as i left my mood was not great,,i do hate when im not in control of things and Colin not playing my game made me feel bad,,he should be happy all the time,,he should be looking forward to coming home,he should make ME feel better,,but it might be just an off day,,,so as i drove into our drive and caught sight of this monsterous mechano construction i could have cried,,,what was this,,surely to god we didnt need half of george street to get into the house,,never mind the great wall of China,or the seven wonders of the world,,this will be seen from space,,,satelites will be launched to track it,,google earth is investigating as we speak,,oh well,,thats life,,but wait a few fairy lights,a vine here and there,a bit of cath kidson,,there is light at the end of this tunnell,tomorrow is another day,,and i will not let Colin feel down,,im the only one allowed to play that game,,im well practised at it,,

we have lift off

As we speak i have two hunky males,,ok i exagerate an older guy with a beany hat and his apprentice whose jeans keep falling so far down his backside that i am tempted to go and dig out some bailer twine for him,,,but they are constructing colins ramp,,this is progress,It is the most ugly thing you have ever seen,,a gray mechano construction,,but who cares it will mean colin can come home and enter his own house with ease.Also his wet room is to be started next week,,,and oh how grand it will be ,,i have gone for sort of a roman empire look with out the dancing girls,,but then maybe they could be provided at a later date.So i am winning so far,,of course my social worker,,,the devil wears primark woman,,,is trying to block many essential plans,,but the southern unit are used to this and i feel they will dig their heels in deeper than hers.this is the only two thinks being accepted by the council,,any other plans were considered,,desirable but not essential,,wait till she sees the wet room,,no bland hospital colours for me,,no ,,it will be patina bronze and deep cream ,,no pillars as yet but definatly a very rich manly atmosphere is hoped to be obtained.She of course will pass no comment ,,but their again if she did happen to like it i would panic and redo the whole thing,,to imagine my taste would be similar to this woman,,,,,,noooooo,,,,,,to much,,so the escape from the southern is started,,colin will be coming home for one night shortly,,they like to ease you in ,,,and then home,,its been a long time coming.I am as we speak trying to organise a car with wheel chair accesibilty so i can take colin to one of the polo tournaments later in the month,,definatly desirable and essential,,that is a hurdle we have to get over and we will,,note to self check all wicker baskets and picnic stuff as that day will be done in style,off now to glasgow,,via marks of course,,lets hope the new ramp takes my weight.........................

my own prince charming

Colin is well,,eldest and middle child,accompanied by Paul headed west to visit,,bank holiday no gym,,so great pampering session entailed,,news of jobs and hen night and weddings were told,,intellectual discussions,,or conversations colin and I dont have ,,were enjoyed,,the sun sone and all is all right with the world.
To all you doubting thomases,,page 18 daily mail on sunday,Prince william was indeed in st andrews this weekend,,for some wedding or other,,that Kate girl was there two,,but they were walking quite far apart in the photo,,i think things are definatly on the wane,,and im sure he must have caught sight of Shelley on his walk,,cinderella all over again,at any time i expect a glass slipper,,or in Shelleys case,,kurt geiger ,to arrive with invitation to the ball,,,what do you mean i am indeed the wicked mother,,well one could hope,,and page 20,,that Chelsea one they reckon things arent too good either,,so there is an alternative plan.
I was in edinburgh,,coffee with great chum Isla,,her daughter Jenny is to marry her own prince charming in a couple of weeks,,so more wedding chat,,love it,,such fun,,life should be full of weddings and flowers and pretty dresses and sun and friends,,perfect.
Tomorrow i head west again,,my own prince charming will be there,,our great friend Mike is to be discharged,,Bev will be waiting at home,,the great day has come,,back into the real world,,back to his family,,i wish them the greatest love and luck,,they deserve it,,and in the not too distant future,,Colin will be home,,,and life in our castle will start again,,,,,,,,,,,,,

29 years and counting

29 years ago today Colin and I were married,,it will never last,,well they,,and they know who they are,were wrong,,31 if you count our courtship,,3 children,,countless horses,dogs,birds of prey,houses,,and i have loved every minute,,well maybe not every minute but I amd the centre of Colins universe,,,anyway this anniversary was not spent in the caribean,florida,canada or one of the other romantic destinations we have been,but in the southern general glasgow,,full of chat about polo i headed west,,,he was enthralled,,how he wished he was there,,but on his neck i noticed a large red mark,,what is it so off to nurses station,,,slight panic,,bits and pieces adjusted,,it was the very earliest signs of anotomic disfrexia,,,i must learn how to spell it,,,so i felt quite good,,nurse Charlotte to the rescue..it wasnt yet an orange pill moment but if left it could have been,,oh my god where is that damn pill.

st. andrews,,,polo,,polo,,

It was the first day of summer polo,,not club polo but a student charity event,,,St. Andrews uni,,a breed unto themselves,,amazing outfits,,men in stripy blazers,,did i say men i meant boys,even one sporting a pipe,,no idea if it was lit but hey he looked the part.Oh yes your fair share of raas,,,even dare i say William was there,,you know William,,well we arent exactly on one name terms,but i did stall my range rover right in front of his the last time i was there,,was nearly an incident,,those security men were becoming slightly aggitated as this woman tried to put back in to gear as Shelley was saying ,,mum its William,,,completely ignored her as his range rover whisked off,,,WILLIAM WHO,,,Prince William mum she sneered,,,aagh another moment missed,,,oh well im sure if he met one of my girls that Kate girl would get the elbow,,oh well theres always Harry,,that Chelsea girl,,well im not too sure,

Anyway Shelley Fraser and I picknicked and enjoyed the sport,,,,, and the polo,,,old friends,,all were there,,good friends Amanda,Shirley,Fiona,Judith ,Gillian,,,Thom,james and the list goes on,,they were all there.And they all pulled me through this day,,it was hard ,Isaw the lorries and my heart pounded,,eight months and memories came back fast,,but friends pull you through.Colin would have loved it and as soon as transport is sourced he willl be there,,Life goes on and our life is good you can tell how good by the number of people that care....................

the little orange pill

Sometimes i have time to think,not often i do admit,visiting times,house changes all keep me busy,and then it hits me,the reality.Colin is well,dare I say,no infections ,no skin problems,but that can change in minutes.His breathing was laboured last night,nursing staff intervened,chest physio,nebulisers,we are in our bubble,,but what when he comes home,,what would I do.I must carry a little orange pill at all times,this is to be taken in the emergency condition of autonomic dislifrexia,,,only in spinal patients and obviously i havent spelt it properly.Me in charge of a potentialy life saving pill,,are they having a laugh.I can hardly remember my house keys.Im scared,responsibility, I cant do this,Im useless,even when the children were ill,,well lets just say they survived,but maybe only just.I could cope with Calpol but this is serious.And i dont do serious,Knowing my luck the orange pill will be required and out of my bag i will pull a HALLIBORANGE,,,Im not responsible enough,,I wouldnt want me to look after me.
Then I talk to family and friends and little things hit home,,talk of planned holidays,trips and events,things colin and i have talked about for the future.Things that now will never happen and it chokes.Weve had our moments,dream holidays,sun filled days but life has changed,our days will be full of regimented timings,carers and unknowns,,,But Colin will be home and I will be there clutching that orange pill with all my might,God help him ...........................