Colin Mitchell - Recovery Blog

snow snow snow..

2010-11-29T16:41:00.001Z

Well the snow has come and I thought it was time for another middle daughter update!
Thank you to all our faithful followers who have been checking for updates! I am very sorry that there have been none! Between AOL being rubbish and cutting off our internet in what they call "line upgrading" and our hectic routines.
The family are doing well! But at the moment we are all snowed in at our different little parts of the city. School cancelled for all of us! Unfortunately that means that Mum and Dad are also snowed in making Marks and Spencers more difficult to reach! But we are all troopers and we will survive on Tesco!

Dad continues to make slow but steady progress. Adjusting to being home has been a massive learning curve for all of us. But it is so great having Dad at home and not having to travel back and forward. Despite what some people may think, home is the best place to recover! Dad has received countless visitors since returning, including some international jet setters. Visitors bring wonderful stories and smiles and the occasional christmas decoration!

Purdey is causing he usual mischief! She has now learnt that she is tall enough to "subtly" nab things off the table! Poor mum lost her roll for her bacon roll while she was fetching the bacon out of the Aga! Purdey was very pleased! This is her first snow and she loves it. If only everyone had as much enthusiasm for the snow as Purdey does!

1 year and 3 days later...

2010-09-16T21:29:00.002+01:00

368 days have passed since Dad's accident. 368 days since the last 10 seconds of the season went very wrong. 368 days since 3 very brave people battled to save our Dad. Every second of those 368 days we have been grateful for those people, it is because of them that we still have our Dad here.

This year had been hard, but you, our friends and family have stood by us every step of the way. Dad is now home and it is wonderful having him here every day. Our journey and therefore our blog have by no means come to an end, so I'm afraid you will be stuck with us for a wee while longer.

Thank you to everyone that has phoned, written, e-mailed, visited or thought about us in the last 368 days, you are all in our thoughts aswell.

The days will keep on ticking by, and hopefully in another 368 we will have reported lots of wonderful positive things on the road to recovery!

For now we are all up and well,
all we can say is THANK you to everyone who helped us get here!

Love from the middle daughter!

thank you donna

2010-08-28T14:26:00.002+01:00

some people and their families even think of colin and myself while they are out in the sunny lands of provence.Donna and her son christopher have been firm family friends for years,,having been through many a crisis in both families together,I know donna would always be there for me and that i am there at the end of the phone if she needed help.So it was of great surprise when she phoned to say she had just returned from a family trip and had a few bits and pieces for me,,,but it turned out to be more than i have ever imagined.She went on to explain that they always make a detour when on france to have their own personal pilgrimage to Lourdes.Donna is no stranger to her own medical difficulties,,and deals with christophers ailments also with fun and love,,as well as always being there for her true friends.Well this trip she included the mitchell clan in her preyers and as she said lit the biggest candle there,,it was nearly in competition to the ramp that can be seen from space,,,and came home bearing gifts,,,the sweetest rosary and angel,,a st. chistopher and best of all a bottle of holy water,,can you imagine,,so there i was 5 min ago dabbing this precious liquid to colins spin and neck and legs,,,,Donna and i believe in miracles,,we believe in the higher force,,,so if there are any miracles for us let them be soon.

its not going to be a good weekend ,,i can feel it in my waters

2010-08-28T12:25:00.004+01:00

Well things arent to good today,,,colin has a slight split mark,,,this can bring massive problems but as team mitchell,,carers ,district nurses and myself,,the consultant ,,obviously,,,have had a discussion and decided bed rest is to be had,,This is not a desicion i take lightly as it causes great stress to colin,,,well to me realy,,obviously,,as he becomes frustrated and down,,and as i have said before that is my role in this family,,,anyway although we had decided to try and escape the house today its not to be,,he is in bed with his dvd,,his kindle book and a face that would make you cry,,,worse than normal,,i have escaped to the drawing room on pretence i am tidying up,,,must look that on google in case he asks questions about it later.tyding up i mean .Mind you hes lucky im here,,,oh yes he is,,as is my habit i take purdey into the grounds,,ok garden,,around 3am most mornings while the turn carers do their thing.but there i was this morning,,3sh,,am,,,in colins long,,to my ankles towelling dressing gown,,navy,,very cosy and colin cant wear it any more,,i used to wear a lot in the bad bad days as i felt closer to him,,,,,ok ok so mine was in wash,,,it also has a hood,,,my blue uggs,,,ok ok children have uggs i have sainsbury ugllies,,,,so now you have picture,,old woman in long dark hooded robe,,hood up ect,,,,digging a hole in the earth with spade,,and i suddenly thought ,,,oh my god how would i explain my self to the police if they were to come down our lane at this precise time,,,,they have a look round for bad boys in the night,,,our lane is so dark and quiet it has attracted them,,,i have known it to have drug dealing done,,ladies of the night,,,and something to do with the local kennell club,,im sure the local pc said doggers,,ah well i have always loved our four legged friends,,,,would they believe i was only getting rid of purdeys waste that she had produced for me on our nightly expedition,,,or as the girls call it the poo run,,,would i be taken away to be questioned or just run straight to the mental health ward,,,,neither this time i got away with it.

gaelles visit

2010-08-25T10:11:00.002+01:00

Many months ago i received a message from one of the intensive care nurses from the western,the nurse that dealt with his admission on the day of colins accident..gaelle...from that day she has kept in touch,,i have never met her,,she was on night shifts and was in later than i.But this week we had coffee,,,she was amazing,,we spoke for hours,,she filled in spaces on that night and weeks that we never knew,,she was caring and had a bond that was built up with colin in those very dark hours.she had conversations,,although colin was unable to speak,,,by lip reading that she recounted,,it was amazing,,colin speaking of his family and life,,,the outcome was
not good in those days,,the staff in the western were amazing,,they saved colins life,,they sat through the awful chats in the ..beige ,,room as consultants dicussed colins fate and future.it had been very bleak,,total paralyis and full ventilation,,if indeed he survives,,she had found the blog,how bizarre,,and had kept in touch with is progress and let the rest of the western staff know,,colins progress watched with interest by all in edinburgh,With every improvement they were amazed,,,it was not meant to happen,,but it did,,colin did it,,,they saved colins life,,but colin saved himself.People like gaelle are scarce,,they work with love and caring and most of them work in the western general intensive care ward,,,you never realy want to meet them but if you do,,end up in that ward,,please believe me whatever has happened they will move heaven and earth to pull you through,we are very grateful,,I still have colin and the girls their dad.Without them it would have been so different,,,,,,,,,,

another week

2010-08-25T10:06:00.002+01:00

Its treatment day,,we have carers every morning but every second we have the district nurses,,,not pleasant but essential,,and one of the carers has just come to tell me that colin is a bit down today,,very quiet,,,well he can just forget that,,if any one is going to be depressed its me,,i have just finished the kitchen,hall drawing room,,im about to start on the bedroom,,at least 3 washes and 2 ironings the podiatrist and the physio,,the doctor and messages and paperwork to do,,,,,,so i reckon i have the upper hand if it comes to moaning,,,and i am the centre of colins universe so maybe i should just remind him of that this morning,,,,,,,there thats it said so i can take a big breath and just start again,,,,,

IM A DEERHOUND,,,life according to purdey

2010-08-23T21:27:00.002+01:00

Well there i was enjoying my saturday rest,,a weekend of mooching around was on the horizon when mrs,m, announced,,right purdey come on were off and so we were,,in to this big van thing,,seemingly her chums lesley and douglas knew a man with a van,,,hmm ok ill give this a chance and so was dumped in the back with Mr.m....no way. there we were off along the road,,me and mr m being shougled about in the back,,mr m winging on that he felt like he was the pope in the popemobile,,,oh my god id been kidnapped by the dog catcher,,or worse,,,but i could hear mrs m chatting away in the front,,it seemed a long way but suddenly the van doors opened and mr m was wheeled out,,,WOW this was dog heaven,,there were millions of us ,,who knew,,mr m and i sat,,i protected him and they tied him to me ,,guess they were worried that hed wander off,,so i was the official minder,,,and then there were horses and men in white trousers and what i heard mrs m call stick chicks,,,wow you could see right up their skirts,,,not my type realy,,but hey mr m and douglas seemed to like what they saw,,mr m said he was eyeing up the horse flesh but im not convinced,,,horses men stick chics,,hmm reckon there must have been a polo match just about to start,,they ate sandwiches and strawberries and did i get any ,,did i what apart from that nasty man douglas throwing strawberry husks for me,,,what the heck ive eaten worse,,and then it was my turn to be paraded...reckon people had only come to see me,,this polo thing seemed quite lame to me,,,and you know what people didnt know what i was,,,a lurcher,,are you having a laugh,,a whippet cross,,oh my god are you being serious,,IM A DEERHOUND,,,dont know who was more upset me or mrs m,,,was my pedigree in question,,surely not,,and a possibility of two potential fathers a lurcher and a whippett,,im distraught,,there will have to be dna tests,,appearances on jeremy kyle and jerry springer,,,my mother will have to declare my real father,,were they on a break,,was she just unfaithfulll,things were getting worse some well connected lab bit me on the nose and some ex army terrier started to do some very unsavoury advances to my hind leg,,,realy,,do they have no manners and if one more chap sniffed my butt without an invitation,,well i tell you it was just not nice,,there was some good times,,there was the sweetest pup,,well it might have been a hamster but this lady kept cuddling it and smooching and saying it was a dog,,so who am i to question her,,after all i am from a single parent family and at this moment am very confused about my father,,,aah well and so the day went on,,lots of people stopped to talk to mr m..friends old and new,,some realy old i think,,....Amanda someone,,she was a different breed from mrs m,,she had realy brown skin,,,mrs m is always complaining she is peely wally white,Amanda carried that hamster pup around she was very chatty and mr m liked her,,,shirley someone,,her pup must have done something realy wrong as she didnt bring it,,mrs m liked her chat ,,,a little pitbull called thom and a whole lot of douglases,,not sure what breed they are but there were lots of them from greatgrandpa to baby max,,,nice to hear their litter was kept together,,,a man called manclark,,he must have a very big lorry as mr m said he played elephant polo,,gillian and rory,,now he was a funny one barked at me one moment and sniffed my butt the next,,men....Will ,,he was nice had a lot of horses and even more children,,,and i heard mrs m tell lesley that it was his pitch and his ball so when his black lab bit my nose i just yelped,,didnt want him to put us out now did we,,,there was Johnny back box man,,dont know what that meant but only saw him for a second,,geoff and charlie,,now i wouldnt mind if they took me for a walk,,they were cool and i bet they would know i was a deerhound,,and this realy cool guy fraser,,,he was like me and was desperate to check out that picnic basket,,,George,,,what did he mean that he was robbed,,,do you reckon the other side was playing dirty,,,shhhhh,,,fiona seemed to be his mate,,and little puplet sarah,,At one point mrs m looked very red and sweaty,,why she was running after me calling my name as i ran from those bully dogs i dont know,,id have gone back to protect her,,what a fuss,,but thats women for you,,,im only little so if id forgetten anyone im sure they will understand,,after all they all seem to be realy realy nice and great chums of the mitchells,,now what mr m meant about how he wouldnt have gottten through it without his friends and family i dont know as we all know its us dogs that are the real friends,,but hey if it makes him happy,,,think its nearly the end of this polo season lark,,boy i enjoyed that day but watch out you guys,,you little terrier who was doing unmentionable things to my leg and that black lab that tried to bite my nose of cos. 2011 me and mr and mrs m will be back and i will be big and dna tests will have been completed,,,and on behalf of me and my new family id like to say one more thing,,,,I AM A DEERHOUND.................

its been a funny old week

2010-08-15T20:30:00.002+01:00

It sure has,,im totaly exhausted,,a good tired i suppose,,im on the go the whole time,,with colin with the kids with the puppy,,i realy dont know what i did before this,Oh i mouched about shopping and things and probably complaining and whining,,life was simple,,but its not so simple at the moment,,i managed to give colin his evening medication one morning,,then melissa and i sat and watched him wondering if indeed i had killed him,,he survived,,,it was just too simple,,i was tired the medication all looked the same,,i had all my excuses for the court ready,,i was tired m,lord,,i was confused m,lord,,,it wasnt me i was out the country at the time m,lord....oh yes i was going down,,,but i got away with it this time,,,we looked at transport,,cars that in fact looked more like postman pat vans than the beasts Colin used to drive,,one or two were dismissed from the start,,realy the only person that should ride on his own in the back is the pope,,,and one seemed,,ok,,not the choice for our old life but a necessity for our new,,so the deed was done,,,we had the devil that wears primark,,social worker,,and a group of realy very nice others,,district nurses and carer bosses,,,they looked on in aw as I once again locked horns with the polyester clad being,,colin feigned illness,,,and the meeting continued,,nothing new,just more of the same,,,where are they all when the problems happen,,,not here anyway,,so how they can all sit and say,,ooh you shouldnt do that on your own,,,oooh im sure things will settle down,,,OOOH they better had ,,,,and dont patronise me,,and im glad i didnt do homebaking for this lot,,,well maybe the district nurse and the carers,,,,ok ok you that know me well know i dont bake but i could have......and then there are the times when reality hurts,,,i am now in the habit of taking the pup out for a walk after supper,,its warm and light and ipod in ears off we go,,but i dread the return,as colin is sitting there in the drawing room window,,he cant see me but i can see him,,and thats when my heart misses a beat,,my strong handsom husband is captive in his own body,,and i regret all the times he asked me if i wanted to come to walk his dogs,,no ive to tidy up,,no coronation street is on,,no its too cold,,no im too tired,,and thats when i know that i was wrong,,i missed those memories,,the ones i cant have,,i should have said yes,,but too late,,too late for lots of things,,colins body is his prison,but his mind is free,,we have to build new memories now,,but i will never stop crying inside when i see him in that window,,,

gael

2010-08-08T05:54:00.002+01:00

i mean it you must come for a cuppa,,dont know how to get you my address as there are so many fans and paprrazi stalking me,,but if you email me on tooty275@AOL.COM....this site is private so HELLO ,,OK,,,AND CHAT,,who are obviously trying to get pictures of me in my curlers putting the dog out,,,how cruel are those press,,cant get in it.as you probably read am marooned in house most of time for the forseeable future so most afternoons good.

what now..

2010-08-08T05:43:00.002+01:00

bet your sorry you read this then,,but realy i am happy ,and depressed and not depressed and loved and blah blah blah,,,,i dont mind when people tell me about their next holidays and the one they are booking after that,,,,much...i love to hear how sunny it is at polo,,happening only miles from the house,,but as colin does not have an off road wheelchair,, yet,we havent had the guts to go to,,one thing having lorry pulled out the mud by the tractor,,but a wheelchair,,,but we will be there,soon,,,and we do appreciate donna,,my goodest chum saying prayers and lighting monstrous candles in lourdes for us,,but it aint kicked in yet,,,donna let me know when its due to start,,,and fiona m dropping in on the off chance,,with lillies and goodies,,to be promptly thrown out the door again as half the NHS were about to descend,,,and Corrine popping in on a saturday night for a glass of red to whine about her life,,makes me feel so much better,,but i was so looking forward to seeing megan dying on Casualty,,oh well theres alaway replay,,and to all my other friends,,you know who you are who are still listening to my tales of whoe,,,and family who are as i speak having papers drawn up to have me commited,,thankyou,xxx

im still here,,,sorry

2010-08-08T05:35:00.002+01:00

So realy what is the point of this rant,,,that the goverment have no money to put into the community,,yes,,,,that i might just stand for politics,,to fight for the wife,,,reckon i could call it,,,who wants to shop on saturday morning in M AND S,,beautifuly suited booted and coiffured party,,,,,behave,,,,,no
is it that you have to wait approx 5/6 months to have delivery of a veichle suitable to go off on any jaunts,,,that could be,,Get that pair out of the house party,,,,,
Is it the inability to see how much responsibilty the family takes on after the hospital,,,its i havent done a four year degree in nursing ,,and you expect all this party....
and the,,thank god my best friend is now home and i have someone i can rant to that will always love me party,,,,,,,

im still here

2010-08-08T05:21:00.002+01:00

but only just,,,so no trips for us,,,taxis are akward,,and darn expensive,,i have escaped once or twice ,,Costco,with chum Isla,,i know i know not the maldives but a little island of sanity in this troubelsome sea,,and today to marks and spencers the gyle,,big mistake as all these perfect couples,,her in pure white linen trousers,him in nantucket reds,,and the right boat shoes,sunkissed complexions wandering around delicatessen section nonchelantly throwing antispasta into their trollies,,ok its not laguna beach but you get the idea,,more like man at top shop,and her a dash of dove,moisturiser and hint of dare i say it ,,fake tan...and a pair of classic m and s polyster slacks worn a tad so short they could be cropped,,with no not the right boat shoes but a pair of foot gloves,,well it all looked very good to me,,and no not the antipasta,,sure thats not the right spelling,but i digress,,,and yes their trolley was overflowing with cottage pie,,and percy pigs but again they were together,,,but i can hear Isla shaking her head,,we have had this conversation so many times over the years,,there would be no sat excursions for us,,our two colins would never allow that to happen,,no her colin would be off running aother marathon,,or fishing or windsurfing ,,and she would be there with her fortnum and mason hamper,,,and i would be in some field holding a polo stick and some flighty mare as colin galloped up and down,,and we would both love it.........

im still here

2010-08-08T05:06:00.002+01:00

JUST......and hi to you my friends,,this is not a happy clappy update,,to be fair i have already tried the samaritans and they hung up,,,No this is a very sorry for my self update,,so bear with me,,Colin is great,,hes well and thriving,,i on the other hand want to stand up on a very large chair and scream at all those silly people in the hospital that told me how wonderful it would be when he came home,,they lied,,,,before you all rush to the phone to book us an appointment with relate lets clarify that statement,,,Yes it is wonderful to have him home,,the m8 a distant memory,,but its not easy,,the constant regime of meds and nesecaary timetables for colins well being are essential.The care in the community ,,well i dont know whose community,, as it aint in mine,no if there is a problem dont bother picking up that phone and ringing the HELP line as they are obviously out enjoying themselves,,,the carers are marvelous ,when they turn up,,and there isnt enough hours in my day.,,,you are not Colins carer,,,another stupid statement made by the southern general,,no im not im his wife and love him and want to help,,and have no problem doing meds,ect,,but where was all this magical help they pretended was there,,no just a ploy to get us to leave........who knew,,,,,we have no transport,,that can take up to 6 months,,so we are marooned in our heaven we call hell,,each more stir crazy than each other.....to be continuedhttp://colinsrecovery.blogspot.com/

ps..............................

2010-08-03T18:50:00.003+01:00

gael of course we would love you to come for a cuppa x

i knew it,,i just knew it,,,

2010-08-03T18:03:00.005+01:00

Well its official i am a jinx,,there i am at the vets,,only 24hours later than the lovely phoebe visit,,,and here i am with purdey.I could see them looking at me from above there glasses ,,whispering,,muchhausens by proxy was muttered,,,are you kidding,,,Ok sometimes things just happen,,i swear i have never touched the puppy,,but yes i was right she was not well,,she had a temperature,,and a littly lady problem,,cystits type,,so she was feeling poorly,,,another X amount of money for antibiotics was handed over and poorly puppy and i returned home,,colin and melissa quite relieved to see that this time i returned with a pooch,,so there i was one poorly dog who has just suddenly come to life,,and is now high on antibiotics and bounding around the drawing room as if nothing was wrong,,,i dont know,,it was quite nice when the puppy was quiet,,dont snarl,,you mums know what i mean,,when the kids are poorly,,obviously not realy unwell,,but enough that all they realy want is calpol and to cuddle in to their mum,,,At this time colin is ensconced in his study with two colleagues,,organising his office space,,he needs to go back to work soon,,i need him to go back to work soon,,,,not that he is driving me mad but i am having withdrawl symptons,,,jeremy kyle needs me,,this mornings ratings have dropped and well loose woman what can i say.And so all is normal in the Mitchell household,,yes its me,me,me,,,maybe they will have enough to do in the study so i can see some eastenders,,,well one day,,and lordy make it soon

warning to all animals

2010-08-02T17:34:00.003+01:00

Sometimes i feel my life is jinked,,if there was a twitter or facebook for animals my name would be top of that list,,charlotte mitchell avoid at all costs,,,well maybe i am exagerating,,but i have lost a lot of good furry friends in the last while,,and the best of all was put to sleep this morning,,phoebe,,she arrived the size of a beany baby,,and in the tradition of her owner,did not grow much more.She was 13 a very old lady,,but she was a memeber of our family and much loved,,she would hold her own and everyone knew she was the real boss in our home,,I knew today was the last day,,she had become very unwell so i took her to our vet and she was sent to sleep and i drove home with tears rolling down my face knowing that there would always be a piece of our family now missing,We love you phoebe. xx

beam me up scotty,,,,,,,,

2010-07-27T14:35:00.002+01:00

Oh my goodness,,i have three men in my house all morning,,and they are still here,,why i hear you say,,well to install colins enviromental control system,,,noooooo,,they have a machine that gives him control,,,take it back i say,,under my breath of course,,these silly people think its a good idea if he can,answer the phone,,control telly,radio,dvd,ipod,lights ,doors,,,whose silly idea was that,,i have had control of the telly flicker thing for exactly 6 days,,6 days,,no,,my life will now be filled with top gear,the news,radio 4,,the eagles,,im too young for this,,im still a jeremy kyle sort of chick,,i do admit to listening to radio 2,,but a girl can only watch so many re runs of old spy movies ,top gear ect...this is mental torture,,i have only just found out how to work the record on the sky channel,,the year of the videos has been and gone and i still couldnt work that fandangled machine,,,is this fair...i know life isnt fair,,colin can now be seen cotroling my whole house by the flip of a finger,i seriously think at one stage he will demand we call him captain kirk of the star ship enterprise,,please god he doesnt expect me to dress up as lt.uhura,,,note to self,look out polyester mini dress,,,, and hide those large ears,,.....captains log 2010,humanoid female,looks as if showing emotion about box in corner of the room,,bones we need a diagnosis,,if she can not be controlled she will have to be exterminated,,,there again she may have her uses,,,,,BEAM ME UP SCOTTY..................................................

i am available for tour de france,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

2010-07-26T04:59:00.002+01:00

Sunday arrived,,day of rest,,well not in my house,,text arrived from bev,,she had just had to administer little orange pill,,mike was obviously having a stint of direflexia,,at this time i was administrating a nebuliser for our colin,,so with sir terry,janet and john,and love songs sunday was more or less normal.mike and ali came and went,,colin coiffured and organised looked forward to his day.Melissa no 2 child returned from a christening at the castle,,oh yes friends in high places,,and helped her daddy for most of the day organise his computer,study ect so he could anticipate returning to work,,thank you melissa i was on the verge of murder when you came back.I dont know which lead goes into which hole,and frankly i dont care,,,i have little time or patience with these new fandalged things,,if it doent work first time the call goes up,,,MELISSA I CANT DO THIS,,,and my melissa,angel that she is always knows what to do.So reorganising colins study was not first choice of the day,,no omnibus of eastenders was,,no chance,,Papa popped in a welcome diversion,,papa popped out,,no dont go please stay dont leave me with this mad man,,the man i dont recognise,the professional man,,place that there,that lead goes in that ,,that box thingy,,ok so i dont even remember what he said,,but i remember what i said,,MELISSA I CANT DO THIS.so the day went on,,seven brides for seven brothers,,20 min was watched..oh to live in that film,,where one wore what looked like quilts as skirts,,sat around all winter,singing and dancing and oohing and aaghing the snow from the window,,oh yes i could do that.Fancy a cup of tea,,so back to my world.rest of the day passed ,,,some chic flick you ask,,no no i reply.only fools and horses,again,, and heart beat,,who knew,,likes to spot the old cars seemingly,,my eyes glazed over.Michael and Ali arrived,,,night routine began,Colin had not been too comfortable today,,but that is to be expected at times,,so when ali came through and said his cushion had collapsed i too collapsed inside.As a spinal patient your cushion is the most importatnt thing in your life,,literaly,,colins is made up of pockets of air and they had deflated,leaving his skin compromised..panic ensued.Parts where red,noooooo...but not broken,,,,yesssssss...we may have gotten away with it,,we will not know till the morning,Most pressingly was the problem with the chair.Pump was found,,but where was the repair kit,,repair kit,,yes the small bag with some plaster sort of things,,very high tech,,vaguely remember them as something i did not recognise when sorting colins equipment,,hmm remember what is this ,,hmm no idea,,and flinging it on bucket pile.So where am i on a sunday night,watching that elusive chic flik,,no my friend i am in the bucket,,rummaging through last nights tea,,old tea bags,marks and spencers of course,,and worse,,no even in your wildest imagination you could not know.This was not the waltons,more like a scene from slumdog millionaire,,colin all snug in bed,me going through the regurgatation of the weeks life.YES ITS HERE I FOUND IT,,now what,i laughed at colins further instructions,,run bath emerge cushion in and then look for bubbles.So in my house ,,bubble bath ,for me no longer means an hour lying in froth with the prospect of my back being scrubbed,,no,,it means up to my elbows in cold water hoding down a slab of black rubber waiting for it to fart....and so it did,,and hole was found and spotted and the call of MELISSA I CANT DO THIS,,,went up,,where is douglas when i need him,,my very good friends husband who is a whizz at these things,,no i dont want to be a modern woman,,i want to be scarlet in gone with the wind,,i want to be helpless and have the vapours and say things like,,, what me rhett,,and ,,,I must go home to Tara,,cos tomorrow is another day,,,,,And so it is,,i can now get an air filled thing to fart,,helpfull on the tour de france,,and stick sticky things over the hole,,ok so Melissa did it but I watched,,and tomorrow is another day and life goes on,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

hi to orange

2010-07-24T19:38:00.002+01:00

hi orange you know who you are,,just to say colin has survived the first few days,,im not as good having grown a massive abssess on my gum,,,think i will have to dip into colins pain killers,,life is different,,and busy,,and the first weekend in ten months i have not battles my way down the M8,so life goes on and we will survive,x

be careful you may get what you wish for...........

2010-07-24T13:52:00.002+01:00

Well the lord and master is definatly home,,my house now resembles a cross between emergency ward ten and boots,,,are we loving it,,well he is,,no lets be fair he is realy loving it,,im on my knees,,why did i have this image,,waltons induced,,that colin and i would sit on our terrace,,ramp that can be seen from space..some classic music wafting to our ears,,skylarks and nightingales joining in the melody,,home made scones and jam,earl grey tea,,colin reading times,me the tatler,,me in floaty white no from boden,,colin in ralph lauren,,oh for goodness sake someone slap me,,oh boy have i been hoodwinked,,this it will be better when he gets home,,lies all lies,,now lets clarify this,,i love colin being home,realy ;love it,,but reality means im knackered,,his masters breakfast is to be taken in bed,0730,cornflakes alpen,,cranberry juice,earl grey and lightly buttered toast,,medication,and then our district nurse,,followed by two of our four team,,the lovely michael and max,,young and chatty,,ali who is a hoot and the big boss sally who comes occasionaly to make sure all is working well,,as his lord and masters makes himeself beautiful,,i run around hoovering ,dusting,bleaching and the rest,,quick shower,,and thats me,,colin reapears,,wafting the days cologne as he orders an expresso and possibly a small biscuit,,,yes m"lord,,,all towels and bedding into wash,,i know towels can be used more than once,,but do you remember the persil advert of the 60;S,,,well no-one is holding my towels up to compare,,,my mums uses persil syndrome..please dont look at my bath towels up the stairs,,syndromes cant climb stairs...orders come,,switch on computer,,wheres that disc..have you seen,,blah blah blah,,,take first valium of day,,lunch is served me lord,,have aliitle snooze,,colin not me no im tidying from lunch,,organising tomorrows meds,,ah feel a little better now think ill read paper and perhaps a little coffee,,,poss ten minutes on terrace,,better do the daily poop run,,theres one over there im informed,,want to ram spade down his throat,supper,tidy,meds,,sit down,,watch a little television,,eastenders,corrie,,heck no,,top gear,news on four,,2 and a half men,,sort out supplies for the team,nine fifteen guys return,,i sort out clothes for tomorrow,,escape outside to walk purdie,,,i know i know but its my chore now and she is such a little sweetie..colin in bed,dogs walked tomorrow organised,,i slide into bed,,he wants to chat,,ok i can do this,,silence,,dreams of pillows and catering size cling film fill my head,,what oh yes,,night squad arriive for nightly turn,,i rise,,dont want to be known as the lazy git wife,,take purdy out,,normaly raining,,i must live in camelot,,,barbour hat on head,looks good with nightie,,,turn done back to bed,,sleep,up breakfast and so the day returns,,,is this my life,,where did the whitle linens go,,the makeup and cologne,,now its pinni,pumps and hair flipped on to top of head,,chic of course,,a new chapter,,would i change a thing,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,HELL NO!!!!!!!!!!!

l made it,,Imade it,,,,

2010-07-20T07:58:00.002+01:00

100 miles a day ,,10months,1week ,,minus week in mauritus and dubai,,and the very odd day,,i drove that M8,,,through snow and ice and fog and torrential rain and sun ,,not much sun may i say,,but there i was,,me and my little mini,,not always in the right lane not always in the right gear,,but on the right road.And barr catastrophes last night was the last time,,Colin should be home today,,dont know what time,,but today and that is it,,the nightmare is over,,or maybe just begun.If they ring and say Colin has a mark or infection or anything i cant do it i cant drive that M8 again,,well lets not exaggerate,,its not like me ,,but not for a while...Wooton bassett is on GMTV,,young boys coming home in wooden boxes,,it makes me sad,,at least im getting my boy home.I will run round with the hoover,,wash floors and do the marks and spencers run.Life will begin a new chapter,,its scary realy realy scary,,,but its life and we will live it,,,but last night as i pulled away fron the spinal unit i was crying,,tears of joy tears of fear,,who knows,,but i was leaving our bubble and our friends met and cried and laughed with for what felt like a life time,,our guys who gave Colin back his life,,a new life but a life and we are eternaly grateful,,too many to mention.So now a new chapter begins

puppy for sale

2010-07-19T06:11:00.003+01:00

One hardly used puppy for sale,,from non smoking home,,full guarantee,,,sold as seen,,no refunds,,asking for credit will cause offence.....................
Im kidding honest,,,its just yes she has slept all night,,,,yes she is the most adorable thing ever,,but walking around the garden,,in pumps,,am i mad but not sure where hunter wellies were flung,,note hunter,im so posh,,,,anyway walking around in my wet pumps shouting ,,,out out,,dog whisperer trick,,or when i think of it was it how to get rid of rowdy teenagers,,any way move on,,,,wet up to my knees,,in most people would be there ankles but hey,,,with purdey my pup walking behind me obviosly thinking,,,wish this damn woman would hurray up and do a pee and i could go back to bed,,,,i swear,im sure i heard her,,and then me thinking darn this puppy she obviously doendnt need so back we both trot,,to we enter the house and she crouches down,,puppy not me and widdles,,,aaaaaaaaaaaaagh,,she is flung out and i go to deal with the mess to stand back in amazement as the offending patch is i swear the shape of a mans dangly bits,,,,now the dilemma is do i photograph it and send it into chat or take a break magazine,,you know like the people that send in the potatoes with the face of jesus on them,,or do i use that stuff,,wash it off,,,for puppy accidents,,miracle worker,,,with guarantee to work or half price offer for heavily weighted sacks for permananent answer to this problem,,,and then you see her little face coming up over the porch glass and think hmm one more chance and next time that sack will be ordered i promise..................

old family and new friends

2010-07-17T20:55:00.002+01:00

Sometimes you just know if you like someone,,it just feels right,,well i felt like that today,,,a long long time ago my mothers brother married and stayed down south,,something in the city,,, and within the appropriate time produced 2 girls and then the long awaited heir,,,and i saw these cousins only a handful of times,,once when i was in my very early teens mum and i visited,,they lived in the commuter belt so london was but a jaunt away,,their father had a yacht and i remember going out in the weekend,,the week was spent in london,,mum and i doing the sights and shopping and carnabay street,a magical week and the last time i remember being with those cousins,,of course there were the family phone calls between brother and sister and visits to uncle from mother in the algarve,,where my uncle took early retirement but no contact with the cousins,,untill today.jen and jude,so many years but there was a connection,,i just knew them,,i knew if we had lived in the same city we would have been friends ,,good friends,,dont ask me why but i just know,,it must be in the genes,,we are all different but all the same,,we all have a bit of nana and grandad hider so maybe they meant it to be,,and i for one would like to stay in contact,,we need all the friends and family we can have,,

im scared oh so scared

2010-07-17T06:53:00.002+01:00

3 more sleeps,,that is how many there is untill colin i hope is home for good,,,and im scared,,absaloutely terrified if im honest,No more bubble,,no just colin and I,Friday was spent eating homemade scones at the home of Mike and Bev,,Colins roommate in the southern for many months,,and there he was in his sitting room all relaxed and tanned,,not the grey palour that i was used to in his months in hospital.surounded by friends and family,,richard,the young injured diver,and his mum Jane on a fleeting visit from their homes in egypt and cyprus,,so life does go on.Tips on how to manage were given,,websites and creams,,laughter and memories,,sometimes no matter how people try they will never understand,,not like the families of spinal patients,,how could they,,its another world from carers to social workers,from hoists to the dreaded B word,,,bowels,,,,to which every conversation seems to return to.Promises made to meet soon i hit the M8,,two hours later i arrived in glasgow,,traffic was appauling,,but it was worth it Colin was there hyped up at the thought we were going in to our last weekend,,just one more sat and sun,,the worst of times.Les had been there the following evening with two of colins clients,,he was full of chat of the nights talk,it showed him hints of his old life and what life will be again,,bringing out the working colin,,he needs that,,and all going well will be returning in the next few weeks,,so 3 more sleeps and our new life begins,,very very scary,,and all we have to do is keep colin healthy till tuesday and he can come home,,

a great chum leaves us

2010-07-15T22:01:00.002+01:00

Sometimes life is just not fair,,there i have said it,,a great chum left us today,,Derek slipped away in the prescence of his adoring wife and daughter.And with him went a bit of everyone he worked with in the lounge and beyond,His humour,,well he always made me laugh,,SUPERB a word he used within many of his stories,,his tales of wine club and chickens,His beloved village and the dubious fancy dress parties he was so fond of throwing,,superman and tarts and vicars,,i thought he felt a little to comfortable in that outfit,,his dogs ,,his gazebo,,blow by blow nail and hammer episode was told,Italy and dreams,,and always lauren,we went thru exam results and first year uni,together and oh how proud he is of his girl,,and his beloved jane,,oh so proud at her career and their magical marriage,not many men would surprise their girl with a wedding on a cruise,,but that was derek,,he loved to be loved,He was always there for his girls in the lounge,,many a laugh took derek and i up the stairs,,if you know what i mean,,he was my wing man in a few battles,,,and he never let me down,,colleagues come and go and we sign goodluck cards and pop a pound in an envelope and they go and another takes their seat,But it will take a great personality to fill his seat,,and maybe they never will.

darn that puppy,,husband children ect,,,,,

2010-07-15T03:28:00.002+01:00

Well never mind having a laugh it looks like those upstairs are laughing hystericaly,,,why you ask ,,oh many reasons,,1.that darn puppy snores,,she also thinks it hilarious to watch me wade across puddles in my nighty and hunter wellies,,no cheapies for us mitchells girls,,parade around on the grass at 0130am,,shouting PURDIE PURDIE good girl,,awaiting her performance if you know what i mean,,as she has been whinning in her crate,,for her to laugh,,yes i swear i heard her and dash for the door.So back we trot,,deerhound under my arm,,,and repeat the same performance,this time for her to gallop back and stand quivering behind the main door,,Scottish deehound,,are they having a laugh,,youd think it was inbred to like the rain and the only thing this monkey could catch is a cold,,so off we go again,,thank god we have no neighbours,,but i love her unquestionably she is sooooo cute and soooooooo smart and one more trick like last night and she will be soooooooo in a dog pound,,agh
2,No more calls from Shelley,,that girl has to much fun and all thoughts of home,,which im sure she has constantly,,or so she tells me when she eventualy phones,,are put to the back of her mind,,thats my girl.
3.Colin,,well dear friend,,as i am always saying 30 years on and he still surprises me,,translate,drives one to distraction,but there we are day room southern general govan glasgow,,oh how i wanted to say monaco general,principality monaco,,back to reality,,and we have tears running down our faces as the subject has turned to his first few weeks post accident,,and how now if anything goes wrong we are not to resussitate or ventilate,,great,,well he will have to have this tatooed on his arm,lets face it who would believe me in an emergencey,,no no let him go,,well i would be in barlinnie,,well they will need to resussitate me,,
4.NO 2 child,,Melissa has been released,,2nights in royal,,tests scans prodded and released,,nothing imminent in the way of further updates,,but at least she is home and another worry is put to the back of my mind,,,,
5.Louise and james checking scotsman and espc over to the possibilty of a move in the imminent future,,do they not know it is more stressful than weddings and death,,well obviously not if your the one dead if you know what i mean,,,
6.When is the doctors open as im surely needing some sort of sedative,,six,,actualy well one each for Me,colin louise melissa james and purdey,,as we all need to take a deep breath turn round and face another day,,,,,,,,

when life turns round and bites you in the bum,,,,

2010-07-13T21:53:00.002+01:00

Sometimes life is just not fair,,bad things happen to nice people,,well it seems like it,,this year has had so many ups and downs,,one year ago tomorrow i lost my uncle buck,,i miss him,,he was the love of my aunty helens life but he was loved by me and everyone that knew him,,then there was colin,,but we have come through this,,he is nearly home and to all that made this possible i will be eternaly gratefull,,louise and melissa both hospitalised,,but we are there for them,,and very recentley a friend and colleague,,derek had devestating news,,his adoring wife ,jane,and his daughter lauren,have my heart felt wishes,,they need all the strength they can muster,Derek has always been there for me but now i can only wait from afar,,but i need them to know im there,,how do you do that,,,how do you know what to do,,how do you know what to say,,i dont want to have these conversations with people,,its not fair,,i never know how to tell people about colin,,they always look so shocked and say im so sorry,,please dont be,,hes still here,,hes still colin and he still is the best guy i have ever known,,and the most loved by his girls and myself,,and its just one of those things that happen to good people.Derek is loved,,he knows that and that is the most important thing in life,,if your not loved go out and find someone now ,,life is short,,and all that is important is happiness,,not work,not money, not things,they all have there place but life is more its about THE PEOPLE THAT LOVE YOU,,and you are realy only rich if you know that,,colin and derek are both billionaires in that way,,i just hope they know that,,so tell the person you love now before its too late x

is someone up there having a laugh,,,,,,,,,,,,

2010-07-12T19:57:00.002+01:00

So there i am thinking life is going quite cushty,,,Colin surviving,,the days passing, his release from saughton imminent,,hmm fraudean slip,,the southern looming,,,Louise now recovering,,no complications..shelley in America having a yahooo,,,oh to be young and free and gorgeous,,Melissa gainfully employed and enjoying her summer with Paul,,perdey slotting into our regime well,,oh yes life is good,,so hey ho,,someone up there smiles and we are all back to square one,,,melissa,,mum on way to the royal,,,mum in assesement,,,so there i am,,phoned southern,,tell colin wont be in,,royal infirmary edinburgh,,the trip to a and e exactly 7.5 mins from door to door,,one pound twenty for one hour,,two pound twenty for over,had my frequent visitor card stamped,,nearly enough visits for a free labotomy,,buy one get one free,,if anyones interested,,but has to be taken between aug12 to aug 15 so apply for holidays now,,so here i am number two child with suspected appendicitis,,are you having a laugh,,Melissa on morphine and a drip,,surgeon thought it very bizarre two sisters with the same symptons within weeks,, no not realy this is the Mitchells,,so here we are Melissa awaiting tests in Royal,,dejavu,,ovaries ect mentioned,,my eyes glaze over,,where will this all end,,PAPA ambulance support team on standby,,this time next week,,will be the night before Colin comes home,,phoebe and perdey will be friends,ok maybe not,,Louise and james will be enjoying supper,,shelley will be somewhere in the usa,melissa will be out with Paul and I will be on copacabbana beach RIO,,hoping there all having a lovely time,,either that or packing for that labotomy,,lets face it sometimes i think ive already had it,,answer on postcards to the above address,,,,,,,,,,

just call me the dog whisperer

2010-07-10T21:53:00.003+01:00

Well we have a new addition to our family,,she is the cutest,,all legs and naughtiness,her name is Purdey,and she is the best looking scottish deerhound you will ever see,,yes i am slightly biast,,anyway she is only seven weeks old and is fitting in to the mitchell house hold quite nicely,,its for Colin,,he loves his dogs and now he has Purdey,,and she will grow and be this dangley gorgeous beast and Colin and his dog will go out and survey their land,,well the garden ,,,,and life will be good.Home beckons now for Colin,,a week on tuesday,,oh how good that sounds,,only 1 more saturday and two more sundays,,after all these months it is too close but not here yet,its the worst,,we have to keep his skin clear and his spirits high and then he will be home to his girls,,and his new pup,,,nine sleeps......................................

i have now officialy lost the plot

2010-07-08T03:04:00.002+01:00

So there i am all showered, coiffured,,full makeup on,,driving out the gate when my eye wandered up to the clock on my ever faithfull,,well so far,mini,,when no,no,surely not,,yes my dear friends the clock read 0257,,check mobile,,no what has possesed me,,reverse,keys out in house pick up phone 1,2,3,4,,,,,at the first stroke the time by accurist is ,,,,0259,,,nooooooooooo,,,,,my alarm starts to scream,,,,,,,,,,,,no,,how on earth have i managed to get up and do daily routine ONE HOUR earlier than required,,,so here i am dear friends huddled on the sofa trying to resist the temptation to return to my bed,,awaiting the clock to make its way to 0400,,yes i have officialy lost the plot and my life is pants.......................

im so excited

2010-07-07T22:07:00.002+01:00

Life is good,,i hate to say it but colin is well,,slight mark this afternoon but it faded,halleluhay ,,obviously not the right spelling,,anyway we are on our way,,colins bladder and prostrate scan was 100per cant,,can be iffy after the trauma,,anyway another plus point.So we live every day in anticipation,,worry that he becomes unwell and return date gets put back,,i think then i would lose the plot,,its been to long,,i need him home,,the girls need him home,,the puppy needs him home,,,wait backtrack,,puppy,,,yes surprise,,i bought colin a puppy,,he mentioned it weeks ago and that was it i was on a mission,,jasper has moved on to the kennel in the sky and darcey is now with the gamekeeper,,out in the field all day every day and it would not be fair to bring her home,And Colin needs a dog,,so we will get this absaloutely GORGEOUS girl puppy in the next week,,she is just so special,,i have fallen in love,,she is a deer hound,Yes the huge dogs that lounge around in baronial mansions,,ok so we dont have a baronial mansion but well we can dream ,,but she is just gorgeous,,not named yet,,always a problem in our house,,all our girl dogs barr phoebe had boys names so watch this space,,Colin will be home a week next tuesday,,sounds better than 2 weeks yesterday and our little girl puppy will be added to our family and my dream of the waltons will resume,,so in a few weeks if you see a small harrased woman and a chap in a wheelchair being dragged across the braids wave the chances are its me and colin,

eye ,eye whats going on here then,,,,,,,,,

2010-07-06T04:31:00.002+01:00

Another Mitchell trauma kicked to touch,,Colin was wheeled around to the eye department and duly presented his eye balls for inspection,drs oohed and aaghed and drops presented and bish bosh contact lenses,,yes two,,were rescued,,so those little blighters that had lurked in his eyes for the last nine months were out.Not quite as dramatic an end to this trauma as i had expected,but at least now at an end.And so another week of therapy begins,,Two sessions of hydropool scheduled,Colin is not a keen water baby but the feeling of wieghtlessness,,is that even a word,,is a real buzz,,so we are down to 14 days,,ten normal and four of the dreaded weekends.Cant realy understand why we have to wait now,,of course Colin is going gliding next week,,up up and away,,quite jealous realy,i think it must be awesome just to glide silently in the air,bit worried about all this,gliding swimming,too many things going on,he will be so bored back here with just me to keep him entertained,,right thats it he can have a week to settle in and then hes out of here,back to work for you young man,chop chop go bring the bacon home,,,aah the thought of jeremy kyle,this morning ,loose woman,and the film on 5,,yes im sure colin needs to return to normality,,what you say all that drivel on the tv,,surely not,know of course not,,thats mine all mine and i need peace to enjoy so colin put that wheelie on full speed and off you go uo that byepass,,and dont be late home or your supper will be in the dog,,nearly back to normal then,,bliss

ps

2010-07-04T23:47:00.002+01:00

thank you to melissa and louise that visited their dad this weekend,,they make me smile and keep colin and I from running away,,well me pushing colin at a high speed,,they make life all well worth it,,so we will continue to spend those minutes and hours and eventualy the mitchell clan will be home,,shelley,who is having a ball in the usa,,and colin and his girls,,and the sun will shine and well we will be HOME,xxxx

15 days and counting,,

2010-07-04T23:30:00.002+01:00

First of all i want to say thanks to all my chums who have been so fab in the ,,no blog drama,,and kim ILOVE YOU,,you make me laugh,,anyway we are now on countdown,,fifteen days,,we just have to keep colon well enough to get him home so i can kill him,,,ok he survived the last time,,but he was lucky,,i took my time with the medication,,but i have a very short attention span,,i get bored easily,,but every day for ever,,well i can only try,,,well another weekend has passed,,and god are they boring,,i know i am the centre of colins universe but realy he must be so bored of sitting in that strange pink hall,,looking at each other,,its surreal.realy you want to start throwing food,,or at least something around the hall just to have some fun,,i watch eastender and coronation street and in the jail when they visit tracy gail ect,,well it looks fun,,ok not disney world fun but not this monotinous pinky hall,,waiting till something or someone does something interesting,,no we need colin home so i can bore him to death in our tastefuly painted drawing room,im at the end of my tether with these visiting hours,,,hes colin for god sake,,not a convict,,so there i am another weekend past ,,2 more weekends,,15 more days we can do this,,and then earl grey,homemade cake ,homemade lemonade on the terrace,,white company linen onthe table,,emma bridgewater china,,colin in his panama me in my floaty tea dress,,weekends ala mitchells,,and the pinky hall will be a distant ,memory

medical update

2010-07-02T21:08:00.003+01:00

This is quite shocking,,colin has told me for ages he needs new glasses,he cant focus out his right eye,,thought he might have injured it in the accident,so in optical express tests were done,,Oh my god,,they had left a contact lens in his right eye.Nine months this soft sports contact lens has been sitting in colins eye.And i had asked them,,my girls had asked them and all that were asked assured us the lenses had been removed.But there it is in position,nine months later,,i only thought to ask as this so could have happened to stacey,my chums girl,who had a riding accident,,72 hours they were left in but thank goodness shirley had the presence of mind to stop them removing them before they caused damage,SO it was a question we asked many times.Eye surgeons have now been called in to see how they can remove this lens safetly,please let it be done soon

paradise at last

2010-07-02T20:56:00.002+01:00

Squeezed back into another black cab,,home supper wimbeldon ,careres bed,,,sighed heavily,,please god dont let me have to smother him,,chat ,laugh a small tear,,silence,,jesus,,not one demand,,i slept he slept,,carers arrived for turn at midnight,,i got up left them to it sat on stair,,30 min,two chatters,lights on ..Jesus he slept right through it and i sat on the stairs,,back in,,, 730..not a word ,,not a demand,,pillow and cling film can be stored till the next time,,he is safe,Yes im moaning but i LOVED every moment of it,,the gyle was fun,,colin corrine and i had a chat and a giggle,,even thought we might go out on this double date again,,supper was fun again,,well at least supper involved food,,children relaxed watching tv,,we were home,,Friday was ambulance day,,we sat on our terrace,,posh ramp,,in the sunshine with our tea after carers left,,relaxed,,at home,,in love,,yes how sloppy but a couple,,you know what i mean,,,and all to soon the ambulance arrived and colin headed west but we are nearly there,,nearly home for good,

expresso,,,yes please

2010-07-02T20:46:00.002+01:00

Thursday morning dawned,,coffe and breakfast in bed,,and that was just for colin,,carers came,,i showered,,people arrived,,papa,flying visit,,3 people to look at enviromental control,,oh my god they are going to give him some sort of machine so he can demand,even if im upstairs,i hoped it was battery operated,,and they can be easly removed.Social workers,,is this realy a nightmare,,wake up wake up,,no its true..lunch given meds oh god they will have to be give 40 min early,,willl that kill him,,i didnt mean it honest,,its a crime of passion,taxi called.Have you ever tried to fit a ery large wheelchair in a black cab,,not easy but can be done eventualy,,easier if you cut off colins head and feet,,but that didnt seem to be an option,,Arrived gyle,,colins living nightmare,,haha,,and bestest chum Corrine there as my wing man,,,but appointments made,,optical express,,more of that later,hair cut,,romanian orphan type,i must admit it was cute but maybe not with the same je ne sais quq as my effort,,and most importantly a date with a cup of expresso in starbucks...all acjieved in a very busy gyle,,school holidays,,,

cling film or pillow,,,,,

2010-07-02T20:30:00.003+01:00

So he was home,,his birthday,,louise and melissa colin and I,,where was shelley you ask,,where indeed,,well she has jumped a flight and headed back to baltimore,,for eight weeks,,thats my girl,,,but shes young and i want her life,but i cant so i live through her life and adventures and dream.Fillet steak and cake went down well and a small glass of red wine,Medicine were dispatched,,not my strong point,counting that is,,but my sister in law Elaine assures me the local chemist can do all this for me,,our local chemist is more used to dispensing methodone so maybe shes right,All was going well,,the carers turned up,,on time and realy very nice,,all was going to well,,he was organised and bedded and Itoo exhausted from all the excitment retired ,so there we were two people lying in single bed chatting in the dark,,very bizarre,,then there was silence,we had gone to sleep,,what felt like minutes later there i was,,charlotte can you stretch my legs,,charlotte can you get me some water,,im too hot,,its too quiet,,eh,,and so it went,,agh..1230 am the girls arrived to turn,,and went and on the demands went,,I cant do this i thought,,this will be a nightmare,,i will suffocate him,,im not good with sleep deprivation,,I know i like to wander in the middle of the night,,but its on my terms,,this was an awake nightmare there i was lying in the dark thinking if you ask me to do something else i will kill you,,,but the silence haunted me and peace reigned and thoughts of murder were put on hold.

hi im back

2010-07-02T20:13:00.002+01:00

I realy appreciate my friends,,i have been amazed at the number of people that have been in touch wondering if all is well as i have not been blogging in the last while,,all is well,,please believe me,,nothing sinister,,to tell you the truth a colleaugue ,made a few comments on the blog,,she couldnt believe that i would write or people would still read it,,she felt i was being self obsessed,,and sometimes when your down,comments hit hard.So i gave you all a break and was delighted when so many said ,no,come back,,so here i am.So much has happened,,my louise was indeed operated on in the early hours relieving her of the dreadful pain she was in.So there we were colin in glasgow and Louise in edinburgh,,,thankyou NHS,,what would we do without you.But with love and devotion of our lovely James louise was realeased to home,where she is now recovering. It was a scary moment,there i was in the same area that Colin was admitted to so many months before,,my legs were jiggly,,it was a bizzare moment,,the intense feelings of deja vu,but she was safe and James was there and so she was in great hands.Colin came home,,yes two days,,he arrived by ambulance,,admired the ramp and was wheeled in,,the nicities were out the way he was home,,a sack of medication arrived too,,oh my god,,it was like the first year exams for pharmacy,,not that i ever did it,,but i can imagine,,how many drugs can one man take,,

ok,,so not enough to visit one hospital but two,,,,,,

2010-06-23T22:22:00.002+01:00

so here i am just in from visiting colin,,who is fine ,,when the mobile goes and its the lovely james,,my son in law,,Louise has been admitted to the edinburgh royal with suspected appendicitis,,so visit two,,shes hooked up to drips slightly spaced out and not as in pain as she was,a young doctor,,in fact thought he was on work experience from high school,,seems he is a surgeon.decides they will go in,,x rays taken and desicions to be made,James returned with bag of clothes so i left,,melissa and i returned home,,early shift looming,,james will look after her,, so another mitchell trauma begins

bitter sweet

2010-06-23T13:08:00.002+01:00

great news,,at last colin has been measured for his own power chair,,great excitment as much as when he ordered his new range rover,,ok not quite but nearly,,it will give colin independance and he will be able to wheel away from me,,,not that he would ever want to may i add as i am the centre of his universe,YES I AM,,,,move on ,,any way he then mentioned that we need to get a new dog,,checked his pulse and murmered about hallucingenic drugs,,and he went on ,,,a yorkie ,i can hear you say so that my little phoebe can have a chum,,a labrador so it can act as companion ,carer dog,,,ah no,,an irish wolf hound or deer hound,,WHAT,,,oh my giddy aunt what is he getting me into now,,is he thinking of taking up a new sport,,dog racing,,him behind in his wheelllie,,,woosh and the disapear up the city by pass like the hounds of the baskervilles,,,what a sight i will look walking this pony sized beast,,not to mention the size of pooper scooper required...well thats my colin for you.There was also marvelous news for one of colins inmates,,he told us yesterday,,he was very animated,,after falling on the ice in january he had been paralysed below the chest,,but slowly movement had started to return and for the first time this weekend he had taken a few steps,,the equivilent of winning the olympics in this unit,,we oohed and aaghed and were totaly delighted for him,,on returning to the ward i asked colin how he felt,,I wish it was me,he said,now what are we going to call this wolf hound,,,,,and that was that two minutes of regret and move on,,now that is my colin.

happy fathers day

2010-06-20T16:19:00.002+01:00

my girls and i went for sunday brunch with all the family to take papa for fathers day,,i say all the family but not colin,maybe next year,,and so the girls headed west,,,I have had a hard week,,and realy exhausted,so i decided to take the afternoon off,,had coffe with isla and then corrine and went home to cook sunday supper for the girls..a rare occurence now but only weeks to go and Colin will be home and life will turn into some kind of normality.

what,where,when,who, why

2010-06-19T00:51:00.002+01:00

Colin knows when im overtired,,i get silly i say things that normaly i wouldnt,,nothing sinister just waffle,,and so Colin yes im tired exhausted,,I would like to sleep but cant and to all out there its been one of those days,,and realy i should go to sleep,,moral of this story dont let an overtired chick lose on her laptop at 0055 when she should know better,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

two long days ,,48hours.

2010-06-19T00:36:00.002+01:00

Im not good at maths,some would say my english is not so good either,,,,so i have no idea how long it is in minutes or seconds but it been too long since i was in glasgow to see colin,,work intervened and life must go on so visits were not possible,,i will be there tomorrow and he will have news from les on his conference in orlando,,and of a colleague and friend that has come in from the states to see colin,,dave binnie,,im sorry if that is not the right spelling.Because of shifts i was not there to meet him,,but colin will let me know all the chat.He is always so moved by people that have taken the time and the effort to visit,,i will be eternaly grateful.We are now on countdown to Colin coming home,,all is in place and barr any problems we are on track.If you are reading this derek please get better soon and get back to shift,,i need your chat,,its not the same without you,,,Annie remember you are a fairy,,we need your sparkle,and fiona what can i say,,,well we have said it all,,go girl,,i know that life is tough sometimes but hey whats the alternative,,,,

some day my prince will come,,,what when ,,,are you sure

2010-06-17T03:56:00.002+01:00

Oh my god,,colin is coming home,,its just a two night pass,but its home.They had mentioned next week,,but I mentioned the highland show,,and the traffic and how it would be horrid to have to battle your way through,,ambulance service would not appreciate it,,and so his one night pass was lengthened to two nights for the following week,,much better.All was agrred barring health issues colin is to come home on the 30th,,his birthday,,,must look out jane ashers cake cook book,,note to self,,sure she bakes for sainsburys,well who will know,,EVERYONE,who knows me.So the homecoming will begin,,100 yellow ribbons to be sourced,valium to be purchased on black market,and diary to be adjusted,,this is a trial,to soften the real return,and yes WE HAVE A DATE.Colins discharge ,barring plague of locust,tsunami,volcanic ash, is the 20th july,,2010,,my flight to Rio is the 19th july,,only kidding or am i,,this is the scariest thing i have done in my life,,I know my family and friends are all behind us but when I shut that door at night there is only colin,and me,that little orange pill,yes joanne i will keep it close,,myself and my new bestest friend,,still to be sourced,miss valium. This was decided at meeting,,all will be in place,,the sufferin general is kicking us out,,Colin needs to come home,,i need him to come home,,his girls need him home.So the countdown begins,,note to self,,must check and see if you need a visa for Rio,,,,,,,

im so scared

2010-06-15T10:36:00.002+01:00

yes i am ,,we have a goal plan meeting today,,i know its a good,,no great thing for colin to come home,,but its so scary,Hes been there for nearly 10 months,and its my bubble,,i know that hes ok there,that he is in seconds of help,and then he will be home and he will have me,And i dont trust me,,no way im no good.So realy im scared for him,and i think he realy should be,but i suppose its like everything we will muddle through.So i will let you know how this meeting goes,,and what strength of valium i will be on,,

sunday bloody sunday

2010-06-14T04:42:00.002+01:00

I awoke late.5 am,,i was feeling real bad,,possibly the hot dog from cinema,,surely not,such a gastronomic treat.No i was feeling like a baloon with all its air out,,not sure what was working on me,,depression surely,,i want to be a girl in sex in the city,,oh for goodness sake move on ,,your the old bat in the mini,the beautiful clean mini,,no sweety wrappers and plastic fruit trays,,thank you Michael.Anyway cup of tea later i conked out,,so unlike me,,but awoke at 10am,I was a mess,,it took me half an hour to persuade my body i had to get out of bed and head to sainsburys,,i had a list for colin,,i had to try.with great manouvering sainsburys was eventualy reached,,a burkha would have been good,,it would have covered the jeans and very questionable top,,again note to self,,just because it says reduced does not mean its a bargain.I slouched around the isles,,filled my zimmer,,read trolly,,and headed west,Colin was there,,awaiting his fresh sparkling wife,but got me,,we sat he read the paper i slouched,THIS WAS NOT A PRETTY SIGHT.He suggested i go home early i complained id just arrived,,ok so my hair was in the style more seen on bambam,,my makeup or lack of it was not setting any new makeup trends,,the head on table possibly looked like i had had a stroke,,as did the slur in my words,,but i could reach above my head and smile,,well i would if id had anything to smile about,And so the visit continued,,Colin watching the grand prix,,hed have done anything yesterday barr be associated with me,,my head nailed to a table,,not the best of visits for Colin,,Ineed him home so i can lounge on my sofa,,like Mr Big,,Colin needs home so he can escape me into his study,,,well one day nearer,,he is well and a goal plan meeting looms on Tues,,so we will tantatively make dates and plans and the future will look good,,I will try tomorrow,,hair done lippy on and i will be fresh and witty,,and will claim an alien took over my body this weekend,,and Colin will smile and nod and all will be well.

oh joy,,,another weekend

2010-06-14T04:24:00.002+01:00

Dear friend,,another weekend passed in a blur,,,Sat was work,,so the lovely Melissa visited her dad,,its worrying the number of people that think she looks like me,,poor child im sure the social services will be able to arrange counceling.So another shift at work was done and Peter and my mum arrived and the man with a hammer began,,All and any pictures where nailed to a wall,,the tate gallery has nothing on us,,it realy is quite scary how much tat can be naield to walls in such a short time,,wails from children off ,,your not putting that on the wall,,well yes i am ,,well at least there is now a nail there and something better can be hung eventualy.So number one child,,Louise demanded i accompaqny her to sEX in the city,,it will win no oscars,but it was fun,,and reminded me very much of my recent trip to dubai,,less of course the shoes ,gowns,men,hotel plane ,limos ect,,but yes on the whole very similar trip indeed,,i too was out of medication,,well who takes enough to cover the unexpected volcanic erruption,,oh how i sympaphise with samantha as she devouvered those yams,,yams,,do you reckon they sell them in waitrose,,note to self check out yam department waitrose.Now feeling uttereley distraught that i am not even trying i slinked home and after slipping into my la perla nightie between my ralph lauren sheets,,read primark jammies reduced to 3 pound from 5,,not exactly matching bed linen,and bolle,,well cup of tea,,ok so my lifes a sham,,im not carrie or samantha or Charlotte,or the other ginger one,,who is realy a lesbian and did they realy go searching for the ugliest red headed child for that film,,But on the plus side i do have enough nails in my wall to await future art work,,so how can a girl complain

the mean streets

2010-06-12T02:03:00.002+01:00

Colins recovery continues,,i hate to jink it but no problems at this time,his skin and chest clear and with numerous visits from Melissa and Shelley,Louise is working ,has kept his spirits high.As in every unit patients come and go,,although the spinal unit keeps their prey longer than most,,this week saw one of our longer staying friends return to the community,,to save my knee caps i will refer to him as my gangster friend.On his return to freedom he felt best to bite the bullet and brave the mean streets of Glasgow where on his patch he is known as a big man,he knew he was being watched,,not difficult to spot 2 plain clothed policeman in his territory,,they were obviously letting him know they knew he was around,,anyway he wheeled around saying hello to old mates when he was approached by two uniformed police to his amusement to be asked his whereabouts at a certain time as a push bike had been stolen and the witness had said he had seen 3 men and a chap in a wheelchair who matched his description lurking.I ask you what was he going to be doing with this bike,,so his day continued and on his way home he came face to kneecaps with two young thugs a bit worse for the wear,,who decided in their drink fuelled bravery to challenge the big man,,although confinde to a wheelchair,,and tried to mug him for his trainers,,,oh my god this is true ,,two weedgies tried to get his trainers off him,,how sick are they,,but he fought them off and they obvilously thought better of the situation and ran.So this once feared chap is going to have to stamp his authority on his territory once more and i suggest those two fools hide or at least leave the mean streets as this guy has a long memory and many connections or never mind trainers they might be wearing cement bootees,

formula one,,move over penelope pitstop,,,,

2010-06-10T21:46:00.002+01:00

well i knew it was only a matter of time,,it had to happen,,Colins adrenalin has kicked in,,he can now be seen careering around the southern general in his power chair,much to the horror of the physios who in no uncertain terms felt that 1 would be a good speed to start on,,but did he listen did he heck as like,,so 2 was reached and off he went,,of course straight was not an option ,not when slightly squint would do and straight into a wall,,oh yes,Colin is back,,next he took out another wheelie,tom,in the dining room,,possibly he just rode him off,but tom,is being treated for stress and a. no win no pay case. is being discussed.There is no holding him back,no corridor is safe,no doorway barred.Emergency meeting held and 2 now seemed an appropriate speed,,would that do,,would it heck as like,,Colin gave me one of those knowing smiles and said ,,so wonder what its like at no 5,,if he breaks his neck again,mark my words i will leave him,,telling friends and family your husband broke his neck playing polo is one thing,,telling them he did it again while out of control of a power,electric,chair is another.Reckoned this might become an olympic event,,and heard myself asking if he needed a helmet for this new adrenalin sport,Anyone have a spare pair of fluffy die and an L plate.

and not forgetting marion

2010-06-07T23:12:00.001+01:00

oh i do hate when i start trying to thank people i always forget,,not that they arent in my thoughts just not in my head,,its just my mind is frazzeled,,marion,rachel,,the list goes on

to gaelle with love,,,,

2010-06-07T22:41:00.002+01:00

hi gaelle i cant believe you are still reading this blog i thought you would have been bored ages ago,,its nearly 9 months can you believe,,i could probably tell you every minute of the time in the western,,sometimes i think it was the best,,sounds bizarre i know but it was my bubble and you all understood and it was all around colin and keeping him alive and there is so many people i would love to thank,and all the things along the way,,his fingers yes they wiggle but not enough strength to push a buzzer,,his toes,,well same realy,,he can move his legs a little,,but there is no connection and no strength so of no functional value,,i have learned the jargon,,i know the word,,but as you know his injury was so massive there was no way he would walk away.He is practicing with an electric power chair,,using head controls,,his fingers are not strong enough and he cannot move his arm so he has to use his head,,and that has limited movement.His chest is clear at the moment,,and he has just started to build up time after a pressure sore,,twice in nine months,,not too bad but his skin is vunerable.Our house is now ready for him,,we have a substantial care package,,we contribute to it and its not cheap,,but its only 4 times a day and im scared,,there is no way i would be able to hoist or turn on my own but i will have to cross that bridge,,i think colin will be petrified.His life in my hands,,poor sod,,so all in all Colins body is not there anymore,,as you know all bodily functions will be managed but his brain and his heart are all there,,and so we thank our lucky stars and move on.Im tired running on low,,the blog keeps me going,,mad or what,,and Colin accepts my bizarre life,,im hardly ever in,,either at work the M8 or at hospital,I feel im letting the girls down by never being there and i cant not not be there as i love him.You see tradgedy and joy every day Gaelle,,but this is neither,,just an ordinairy family trying to get back their life.One expression i hated in the beginning was ,,its early days,,of course you were all right,,and sometimes i feel we havent even started,,but then i read a message from someone like yourself and it makes me smile,,life is not great its good and will get better,,but best of all is the love and friendship i have found and thats what keeps us going,You sandra karen mcsorley,all the people that listened and cared you are the people that matter,,and even if Colin never lifts any of his fingers again,,or moves his arms legs or toes,hes still here and we are grateful and it was all due to you and the rest of the guys and i will always be eternaly grateful.

am i still dreaming

2010-06-05T22:14:00.002+01:00

not the best of days today,,early shift did not help..i was tired and grumpy and life always seems worse after an early shift.Colin was up building up hours when i arrived and so we sat in the sunshine for a few minutes and he read the scotsman and i tried to pretend i was not about asleep,,and then out of the blue a nurse appeared and told colin it was time to go back to bed,,i couldnt beleive it but he still is building up time and his skin is priority,,so back to the ward .the sun would have to wait.Poor colin,,it must be a nightmare dealing with me after an early,,but he does,,and never complains.this visit passed slowly,,we both nodded off,colin in bed me holding his hand sitting on those hard wooden chairs,,the kind of sleep where you feel your head dropping and sit up suddenly with a start.bizzare,,and so his release from me came and i headed east,,the rain was shocking but it kept me alert at least,and here i am once again when i should be asleep,,or maybe i am ,,is this a nightmare or are Colin and I still dreaming,,,I would like to think so.

clean clean clean

2010-06-04T22:49:00.003+01:00

has anyone had any building work lately,yes,,well you will know what a mess even the best guys make,,stour dust and well you think your house will never be the same again,,so i bit the bullet and called a firm who arrived early and cleaned and cleaned,,while i hid in the kitchen pretending not to be lazy,,so now my house looks like the little mice from cinderella have been ,,and yes before you say it i am the ugly sister,well my prince charming has a lovely clean house to come home to when he is ready,,but he better hurry up as im not sure i can keep it like this for ever,,ive started moaning at the girls,,where are you going with that glass,,who left that cup there,,oh for goodness sake,,,colin was good today,he was so keen to be good for john i think he tired himself out,,he is not long back up so it takes time to build up his stamina again,,but he wil and we will get him into the sunshine tomorrow,,i think its going to be sunny,,and he will be ok.And if anyone sees me eating anything chocolaty kick me,,i cant beleive im so fat,,im living off m/s egg sandwiches,m/s chocolate eclairs and blue berries,,thats the healthy bit,,my one a day,,put me in a shell suit and i would slot right into little britain,,what what no but ,,,or maybe even bubbles,,oh my god ive just realised they made that characterr round me,,bubbles that is,,thats it carrott sticks,humous and water,,lets face it colin doesnt want a fat bird,,

two angels

2010-06-03T22:04:00.002+01:00

Angels come in all different disguises,,some just appear with feathered wings when you least expect them,,some you dont even see they just hover and help you through,,but these two angels flew in on their private jet.John and Susan Sykes flew in from Tampa to visit Colin,,thats the sort of people they are,they just dont say the right things they do the right things.They care,nothing is too much,,this is the second time they have flown across,,the first when colin was still in intensive care and ventilated so they were delighted to see Colin as he was this last two days.Up and alert and loving every minute of their visit,John will probably never know how much this time means to Colin,it means everything.To know that someone cares enough for you and your family to fly across the world to visit means everything,,John was Colins mentor at work,,he passed on so much of his experience and Colin learned,,they entertained us at their race horse stud,they made us feel more than just employees.It is a gift to care for people,not just your family and we are lucky enough to know them.We will never forget their kindness and Colin will work hard to not let John down.

put on suicide watch

2010-06-01T22:13:00.002+01:00

ok well not realy ,,but as i sat at work on late shift ,,lifes a bitch and then you die,,floated in my head,,late shift so i cant see colin,,late shift so i cant do all those thousands of phone calls,,oh well they can be done tomorrow,,and colin understands,,two people told me about their forth coming holidays,,god i hate that,,well not realy but i do feel quite hard done by,,children working out there lives,,how dare they,,social workers telling me they are going on holiday,,oh for goodness sake i get it,,everyone is going off on some 18 to 80 club holiday,,well i hope they all burn,,turn tomato red and get deli belly,,you see im such a nice friend but not when it comes to holidays,,that i envy,,lust over,,but colin and i can sit on his ramp,,the one that can be seen from space,,its now to be called my balcony or terrace,,and shut our eyes and think we are on a cruise,,or barbados or well any where realy,,cocktails will be served,,well at least mugs of tea.and if you pop in ignore the straw donkeys,kiss me quick hats,and two people sitting in shell suits,,matching of course because lifes a bitch and then you die,x

sometimes i just forget

2010-05-31T22:59:00.002+01:00

sunday was a strange day,,anne and keir,,colins sister and nephew went to visit,,he was amused with the tales of life in the gowan home and pleased to have them there,annes husband dougie has not been great but seems to be on the up,,thank goodness,,louise and james also popped in to see colin so he was a very popular guy this week.My brothers turned into pickfords,,well i couldnt move the units,,and they are men and so i called on their help,,what a relief,goodness knows what i would have done without them,so units moved,,ignoring dust,,i have help coming this week it is too horrendous to contemplate on my own,,i decided to head to straiton retail park,,not the best of ideas on a sunday but it had to be done.Im snowed under with work in the next few weeks and i want our new master suite to be finished,so i braved the crowds and headed in to my familiar haunts,laura ashley,tx max and dunelm to look at bedding.All good untill on the hunt for a mirror,,large over ornate thing to go in colins en suite,,never one to be subtle,,no the bigger and brasher the better,,i hummed and hawed,,was it too big,,would i be able to fit it in my mini,,probably not,,well id get Colin to pick it up,,,,and then it hit me,,my Colin ,my best friend and my man,,would never pick it up,,and i nearly had a nervous breakdown there and then,,ok so maybe not a nervous breakdown but i definatly wanted to scream,,its the silly things like that ,that bring you to your knees,,the normal things,,taking out the buckets,paying the bills ,,seeing couples in ,marks and spencers,,seeing couples going off on holiday,,thats when you know your life has changed..anyway think i will go back tomorrow and buy that bloody mirror and drag it into the car and everytime i look at it i will thank god that colin is still here and also probably curse him every sunday night as i drag those darn buckets out,,oh well im only human after all ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

the godfather

2010-05-30T03:54:00.002+01:00

i have just woken in a panic,,my bed feels very very warm,,im sure i had popped to the loo before retiring,,so of course my next logical thought was that i had offended one of my many gangster friends and that the ultimate price had been paid,,a horses head was indeed beneath those sheets...it was not an easy search but no head was found,,just a silly old mare,,me,,,who had flipped the electric blanket switch in error,,peace restored,,,now im here thinking how they would have managed to get that head in and under that chaps downie without him noticing,,but as my colin would say,,for goodnees sake charlotte its only a film,,,,,,,,

i know things are bad when im actualy watching the eurovision

2010-05-29T20:24:00.002+01:00

yes my friend here i am surrounded by a mish mash of furniture,,drawing room dining room and just general rubbish,,with a cup of tea,,having eaten a whole bag of chocolate eclairs,,not long back from glasgow,,it was a weird day,,colin struggling with the ,,get up,,it takes so much out of them,,so i made him watch the michael mcintyre video,im nice like that, thought it would cheer him up,,well it did me as i chortled,,no laughed through it,,colin was mildly amused but i dont think he realy sees it,,oh well,,anyway not my best visit,,but i would be awful if i felt as bad as colin feels at the moment,,i would cry and moan and make everyone elses life absaloutely miserable and i wouldnt care, hmmmm not much change there then,,

ready and waiting

2010-05-29T02:47:00.002+01:00

Well its finished,,what i hear you ask,,colins new master ensuite,,i say...its fantastic,,,the wet room is patina bronze wall and white victotianna type loo and basin,,you know the type with the high cistern and chain,,all very tasteful,,even if i say so myself,,the flooring is now down in the bedroom,,antiqued oak,,and all is there ,,oh yes one thing missing,,colin,But he is up,fifteen minutes twice a day and then 30 and then 45 ,so you get the idea,,and his skin is checked to make sure there is no breakdown,,unlike myself who thinks she maybe having one,,breakdown that is,,between joiners and plumbers and work and the M8,,well lets just say crawled in about 2030 promptly fell asleep crawled up the stairs ,,zonk and then zonk zonk here i am at 245 am writing to you,,and where are you all,,partying i think,,up george street dancing with the young,sometimes my life is pants,,melissa is in majorca,,louise is with james dreaming of new dresses,shelley is now finished for the summer,and will be home soon,,and here i am,,,but hey i have the eurovision song contest to look forward to,,maybe life aint so bad after all,so now i have a ready house,,well just the massive clean up to do,,no rush,,well actualy no energy,,and then i will wait for Colin to come home,not long now

damn you colin you still pull my heart strings

2010-05-27T22:05:00.002+01:00

so there we were chatting away i had been chatting to a polo chum and i was giving colin all the gossip,,it was fun and we laughed and remembered old memories,,i went to get him a drink and returned to find him staring into space,,so what you thinking about i said,,,Im playing polo in my head he said,,and so we sat for the next few minutes with tears rolling down our cheeks,,damn you colin you still get to me.

with one kiss sleeping beauty awoke

2010-05-26T20:58:00.002+01:00

Earlies they are a killer,,or maybe im just getting too old,,who knows,,my life is just one swirling fun time,,not,,towels that was the mission today,,there i am,,tired and grumpy and wondering at what exact point my life went wrong,,i couldnt even decide between white or white or even white,,now will that be lilly white or sparkly white,,oh realy for goodness sake at one point they will be lying on the bathroom floor with my face smeared all over them,,funny that my makeup seems to slip of my face in minutes,,i know setting powder,,but then when you wash it and dry there is half your face ,,who knew,,,and so off to the SUFFERIN GENERAL,,as i walked down the corridor i could see Colin was still in bed,,oh god another day,,,he was quite chirpy considering,,we talked about his visitors from yesterday,,gaynor had come,,she was full of news fom weekend tournament,,and her trip to play polo in the south,,shes a gutsy girl,,Les as usual kept Colins spirits high with talk of business and colleages,,keeping Colins mind sharp,,and here i am,,poor thing,,me,me ,me ,moan moan moan,,supper was had,,and i just happened to lie my head down to rest my eyes,,popped Colins hand on top to cuddle and promptly fell asleep,,i had obviously bored him too as there we were ,two of us completely zonked to the world..Well the world went on about us and we were oblivious,,that was untill staff nurse woke us to administer meds.For a few minutes it was just Colin and I,,Sleeping beauty and my prince,,note to self,must write to consultant and enquire why they cannot provide double bed,,

where is bob the builder

2010-05-25T17:02:00.002+01:00

I cant tell you what a mess the house is at the moment,,it was all systems go to get this place ready for Colin,Unfortunately his skin let him down,,but the timetable was till being adhered to so we have workman clomping around the house at all times,Shelley has escaped to aberdeen,,she says for her exam,,but she is a very sensitive wee soul and does not do mess,,so ran at the first opportunity,,to return when house is clean,I have been very bad and not cleaned since the start of the banging and drilling,,what was the point.Anyway electricians were the men of the moment this afternoon,,new sockets and lights to be hung,,but as always everything takes twice as long as you expect,and glasgow had to be put off,,i would never get there in time and Les was also visiting,,so the desicion was made to not go.Not sure what to do with myself,,obviously not cleaning,,that will happen after friday when the new floor goes down,,so lots to look forward to me and MR MUSCLE,,,

and the bubble bursts again

2010-05-24T20:56:00.002+01:00

Colins mark is still there,,faint very faint but unfortunately still there,this is bad news,,even if it was away tomorrow and the procedure for mobilisation began it would take 18 days,,and no guarantee it wouldnt reapear,,we have been there before.So what im trying to say is that Colin cant be home for his visit next week,,he wont be up as able,,so he has to wait,,Colin as usual is taking this with dignity,,me on the other hand is depressed,narky and wanting to crawl into that corner that beckons on a regular basis into my foetal position,,I know it would make no difference,,but for a few minutes as i rocked back and forward maybe it would feel good,,all those that do this cant be so wrong.Anyway if colin can smile and be gracious maybe i can too.Shelley has returned to aberdeen,,Melissa is heading to majorca and Louise is with the lovely James and so life goes on,,we will get through the next few weeks,,and if you see me heading towards a corner and i am rocking forward and backward very slowly dont fret,,i would probably become bored and lonely quite quickly and sort myself out and head west to tell colin what a hard day i was having,,and he will smile and nod and some how things will not feel as bad as they did.

why watch a sad film when you are miserable

2010-05-23T22:19:00.002+01:00

Well i reckon i have been a bad daughter wife mother and friend, there i have said it,,i have just watched,,my sisters keeper,,,and i only cried twice,,,so it proves it,,i am bad,,surely i must be as every one else i know sobbed from beginning to end,,i didint,,it proves my theory i must be a bad person,,i didnt get it,,i cried when they went to the beach,,i cried when she showed her mum the book,,i thought how cameron diaz managed to put her makeup on every day no matter what,,i wondered how the lawyer guy was allowed to drive his fancy bentley when he was an epeletic,,i thought about the massive piece of madeira cake i was going to eat once the film finished,,i thought i would never interfere with my childrens lives aqgain,,ok maybe thats not quite true but i reckon i should at least try,,,and i thought about why they didnt choose a prettier child to die,,so there it proves it i am a bad person,so the madeira cake is gone,i am sitting here thinking how to fix shelleys latest trauma,,i am just thinking,,its been a funny old few days,,lovely wedding tired saturday,nopolo lots of calories,,good friends and fabulous girls,,so life isnt that bad,,colin and i have done alright,so maybe im not as bad as i think,,,,,oh no i am,,too prove it,,two old ladies sitting on a park bench,,mavis turned to ethel and said,,you know my husbands an angel and ethel said,,your lucky mines still breathing,,,......you see i am bad x

sunshine and tears

2010-05-23T20:16:00.002+01:00

the lovely Melissa headed west today,,she is off to majorca on wednesday,,so wanted to spend as much time with colin as possible,,I was working so headed home after to a house full of dust and muck,,realy the men were so good but nowhere is safe from the stour that comes with DIY,,Our good friends douglas and lesley came round and we turned in to Pickfords,,massive units tables and the rest were manouvered with great care into the drawing room,,so Colins bedroom will finaly take shape as new flooring goes down.At last as the dust begins to settle colins new habitat comes to life.And life goes on and the sun shines one of the warmest weekend this year,,or in fact for many years and Colin hasnt been outside,,not once,,confinde to bed,,but smiling and not complaining,,never.I have just been on my face book and looked at karina bowlbys remarkable polo pictures from the tournament in Dalmahoy this weekend,They were fabulous showing all the excitement and fun and passion that comes with the sport.Tears rolled down my face,,i dont know why,,I was tired from work,,i am tired from the late night at Jennys wedding,,im just tired and i so wanted to take Colin to Dalmahoy this weekend,,i so wanted him to feel the passion and exhilaration and be included.But he will be there soon,,and that is not negotiable.

the day after the night before,,

2010-05-22T23:58:00.002+01:00

late night early mornings dont mix,,eight o clock doorbell went,,the gardener,,do they never sleep,,anyway i am going to camouflage this ramp with ivey and clematis,,its such an ugly looking thing but by the time im finished it will be amazing that it might be used in films,,romeo romeo,,where fore art thou romeo..ah yes this ramp has suddenly become my balcony,,so off i went to arrange flooring for the new bedroom,job done,,popped into see the polo gang at dalmahoy,,it was so hot and sunny and was perfect picnic weather,,this weekend was going to be our first trip out and then colin became unwell,,anyway loads of old faces fiv minute chat and headed west,I think colin was a lot better today,,more colour in his cheeks and he was more animated,,lots of chat about jens wedding and the paper was read and all in all a pleasant afternoon,,i headed home quite happy that he was on the mend.i dropped in on my friend isla,,and loads of chat about the splendid wedding yesterday,,it was a lovely balmy evening and time passed quickly as we discussed the young at the wedding and all the flirtations and fun that goes on at such events,,Ah well one daughter down,,and on my side one,,so between us only another three to go,,will we survive

we won ,,we won ,we won

2010-05-22T02:03:00.002+01:00

I cant tell you how happy i am ,,just home and there is a message to say that the problem with the care plan has been sorted,,it was a monumental problem that might have been a great stumbling block to colins return,,but thank goodness the council saw sense and now all will be in place,,i am real,realy relieved,,,,i missed Colin today,,i was at the wedding of one of very bestest friends daughters wedding,,it was a wonderful day,,the sun shone and shelley and i headed to cramond kirk,,Jenny married her long time beau,,iain,,all were booted and kilted,,well trews actualy,,and the bride wore an amazing ian stuart gown,,all sparkly and very very jenny,,she indeed was a princess,,Isla wore the same designer and looked far too young to be mother of the bride,,never mind a granny to the gorgeous Max.. Sally little sister was fabulous in a pale mocha colour,,we headed back to the George for the reception and after sumptuous canapise sat down to one of the nicest wedding feasts i have had,,and then the dancing and young sally and shelley moved in for the kill,,no young man was safe,,they batted their eyelashes and had the most wonderful time.So at about 1.30 i headed home and as we speak shelley and sally are strutting there stuff in george street,,look out boys these two mean business,,well this old woman is now going to sleep,,

Sunshine and ice lollies...

2010-05-21T23:23:00.002+01:00

Today it was 25 degrees outside in Glasgow.A beautiful day for a wedding. And that was exactly where Mum and Shelley where today. So off down the M8 I went...thank goodness for Air Con! But in the ward it was more like 30! The heating was jammed on and everyone was sweltering!
Dad was in good spirits although he was a little bit breathless. He listened patiently to all of my stories even though he was a little bit tired!
After a light dinner and the application of cold compresses, I decided that the only thing that I could do that would be even the slightest bit useful in bringing the heat down would be to buy ice lollies!
So off I went to a bustling asda to buy a box for Dad and the others on his ward (oh and Eddie)! Everyone was much happier after that! Calypo ice lollies at least momentarily put smiles on the faces of all...and most importantly the face of my Dad.

hubble bubble toil and trouble

2010-05-21T03:50:00.002+01:00

I attended a witches coven yesterday,,seriously,,well maybe not,,but it felt like it,,a dreaded social workers meeting,,Charlie came with me,,thankgoodness,,he was there to grab me by the ankles in case i lunged at them across the desk and had them by the throat,,well you will be proud of me my friends,,i stayed calm and under control,,it was an effort but i pulled it off.An hour of them patting themselves on the back at how well they have done,,yet the care plan has one major flaw,,hmmm,,anyway it is with the head of the social works,and we should have an answer soon,,it better be a yes,,i will spare you all the details but lets say if the answer is no Charlie better bring some reinforcemants, Shelley and i headed west,,the dreaded walk into the ward awaited,how will Colin be today,,well he seemed a lot better,,maybe it was the fact Shelley was there,,who can tell,,mark is going but slowly and you can not hurry these things,,and his chest was clear,,so all in all he seems to be on the way up,We chatted and eat and shelley sorted out his dvds,,cant beleive the number of box sets he has gone through,,les and others have been great at lending,but im beginning to run out,,why are men so difficult,Im sure he wouldlove sex in the city or desperate housewive,,but he wont even give them a chance.I was hoping to have him out this weekend to the Edinburgh polo tournament but its not to be,,but there will be others,,it looks like the weather will be good this weekend and i will take him out,his bed is on castors,,so the terrace awaits,,and if we realy get bored they might even see this small female pushing a hospital bed down Govan high street,,well desperate measures.

will this nightmare ever end

2010-05-19T21:50:00.002+01:00

Colin is no better today,,his mood is low,,ok he doesnt say but i know,,it will pick up but hes in pain and with no gym and no up time he has a lot of time to think,,i probably dont help im tired,,another early shift,,another day when you find out who your real colleagues are,,and with problems about to start in the return care for Colin i will say im slightly tense.Colin worries that he is not there to take on these problems,,but he is there and he does help and he does give us support.And for those who tittle tattle and try and cause upset and strife in peoples lives Colin would always have the right thing to say to them.I only wish i was strong as him,,i only wish i didnt take all the stupid trivial things to heart,,as he says,,is it something you can change,,if the answer is no,,then move on,,,,,And yes Louise,I knew it was macbeth,,i know one or two witches so realy would i forget,,it must have been a slip of a digit,,and amanda im sorry i have read the text and then promtly left mobile at work,,its as if i have left my whole world,,anyway thankyou and realy things are fine,,,hope to see you soon,,and tell Jeff to score a goal for Colin,xAnyway this day is coming to an end,,and to be honest im glad,,too stressful,harrasment and people showing their true colours,,but as Colin would say ,,can i change it ,,,no then i will move on x

hmmm,,what can i say

2010-05-18T21:50:00.003+01:00

Colin is still in bed,,the mark is still there but no worse,,so i hope it will now fade,,Colins chest is not as bad but his mood is low,,no one would know but i know,,as i spoke to him sometimes he just stared at that blinking tile on the ceiling,,how many times as he looked at that damn spot,,out damn spot,,hamlet (oh wait...Macbeth),,knew i was cultured,,but we will get through this and he will have something nicer to look at,,its time just time.I also have an appointment with the Devil wears primark,,on thursday i am gearing myself up to a difficult time,,they are not very supportive and we need to manouvere to get the best for Colin,,he deserves it and I need help I can not do this on my own,,but i am not on my own,I have Colin and they forget he negotiates,,it is thing he is calmer and wiser than me i will get him to tutor me,,I need to get this right its not a game its our life.

shit shit shit and double shit

2010-05-17T20:50:00.002+01:00

Colin not well at all today,I had dreaded going in,,louise and i headed west after my early shift,,it was not a bad shift,,volcanic ash and the cancellation of early flights saw to that.As we entered the ward i saw Colin had a visitor,,Johnathan from the edinburgh polo club,,who had many tales of the new season and all the goings on in the land of Jilly Cooper,,I was delighted to see him and he chatted on and brought me up to date.But i could see Colin was struggling his breath laboured he was flushed and obviously very uncomfortable,,i asked the nurses to do some tests,temp ect,,at this point Johnathan went off to battle his way east across rush hour m8 traffic,,Colins chest needed a nebuliser,,a turn was done,,but he was still not right,,at this point les and sandra arrived,,les having just been on a sailoing weekend was full of news and sailing stories but i knew colin could not concentrate,,les has known Colin for years and so seeing his distress did not stay long.More tests more turns more medication,,this was a tough day,,he never moans but i know,,he hates this,,he hates the fact his body is managed by so many people,but we need it,we need them and so life must go on,Louise and i were both crying as we left Colin in the unit,,i dont know if i was crying for me or Colin,,i am so tired and worried and lOUISE hates to see her dad so vunerable,,But tomorrow we will start all over again,,and the next day and the next.

my girls are amazing

2010-05-16T22:54:00.001+01:00

I forgot to say that Melissa shared the hell that was today,,she drove and stood by her dad,,and helped keep me sane,,i forget sometimes its not just my life that has changed,,ME ME ME as colin would say,,but my families,,and they are amazing,and thats why it will all be alright in the end,

shit shit shit

2010-05-16T21:41:00.002+01:00

I just knew it,,i knew he wasnt well but i didnt expect this,,Colin has a mark,,the worst possible thing to happen,,it looks like a burn you might get with an iron about 2 inches long,he was in bed when we arrived and my heart just sank,,you dont want to hear those words,,he has a mark,,it may fade,,the best possible result,,or it may blister and the skin breakdown,,that you dont want.This can set you back from anything from 2 days to weeks to months,,you just dont know,,you just have to keep the pressure of and wait and hope,Colin is in a lot of pain,,more due to the akward position he is in.I am freaking out,,i tried to help make him more comfortable,,he needs me to adjust his leg position,,but i can hardly move them,,i want to run away,,I cant do this,,twice in the hours between 1 and 8 when we left he had to be turned,,the first took 2 nurses,,and the second 3,,what will i do at home when there is only the two of,,this can not be done,, the reality of home,,my version the walton family one,,Colin and i in the garden sun shining,,not too hot,,pot of earl grey,,homemade scones and jam,,colin reading the times,,me the tatler,,and then the reality me in foetal position rocking back and forward,,colin deterioating by the second due to lack of care from me,,so suddenly the waltons becomes the chain saw massacre,,,,ok im tired depressed and prone to exageration,,but somewhere in the middle would work,,ok so i cant bake scones,,i hate earl grey and the grass is so high i will have to rent a herd of sheep to find colin in it in the first place,,but im not too far of the mark,and apart from Colin being trying to mend this mark im sure hes lying there wondering how on earth we ,,no let me rephrase that,he will survive the return to Broomhilld farmhouse,,God bless us all x

bad bad day

2010-05-15T20:51:00.002+01:00

i knew the minute i walked into the unit colin was not well,,it was nothing specific,,just you know.anyway we followed our normal saturday regime,,lunch saturday papers..but things were sloweR than normal,,colin was not concentrating as he should.we chatted,i told him the latest episode in my traumatic life,,my blood pressure was rising, but i wasnt happy,,nurse was called and blood pressure heart ect was monitored.Blood pressure was very low,,thank god,,i hate to make a fuss,,and knowing my instincts were not as bad as i fear,,anyway the nursing staff took over and a while later things returned to nearly normal,,but colin was exhausted and so took to his bed.It was not a good day,,made both of us quite low,,he has being doing so well but today took its toll,,i then worry ,what would i do at home on our own,,it keeps me awake at night,,how will i cope,, and then i take a reality check,,WE will cope colin is there and he will help .The nonsense in other parts of my life,well who cares,i dont care what people say or think,they are of no importance to me,,i have important things to worry about,,my girls my family my real friends these are important,,well you just have to put up with insignificants as well in your life,,normaly you just rise above it but sometimes they play dirty and pull you into their game,,but when you stand back,,as colin tells me,,and look,,look properly you should laugh as they are nothings.

how many men does it take to fit a sink

2010-05-14T22:26:00.002+01:00

Keys were left in a very safe place,,if i tell you i might be burgled,,and at 8 this morning a squad let themselves in,,2 plumbers 2 electricians,,a project manager,,was i there in my emma bridgewater pinny,with freshly brewed coffee and croisants,,was i he99..oops heck as like no i was in my bed,,feeling rather sorry for myself,,it had been a bizzare night,,nightmares and bogey men had filled my head,,i had hardly slept and then when i finaly thought i could catch a few winks,,auf weiderstein turned up,i could hear them bang crash wallop,,and that was only the turning of the sun newspapers pages,,real radio blaring,,have they never heard of radio 4,,or at least radio 2,,and the constant ringing of their mobiles as they walk away from MY job to discuss world events,,, i hid further into the downie maintaing my now famous foetal position and decided if i was realy quiet i could maybe stay there untill at least lunch,,but no was that dullcit tone screeching up the stairs realy for me,,HEY MRS MITCHELL YOU UP THERE,,god almighty i thought at one stage he was coming to find out,,so there i was in best dressing gown,,well only realy, bounding down the stairs,,with my best Auddrey from ,to the manor born voice,,yes young man may i help you,,its just do you know youve got a split pipe mrs,,i felt my knees go ,more expence,,OH REALY PRAY DO SHOW,,and there it was, a split right down the big pipe as he so rightly said,,aagh i said trying to sound knowingly,,you cant let them see your fear or the price goes up,,well my good man what shall we do about this,,he was eyeing me strangely at this stage,,i know my dressing gown isnt Dior or even Gucci but it is big and comfy and is Colins and i like wearing it, it keeps me safe.he prattled on about u bends and pipes and the rest and i ooed and aaahhed and said,,well carry on then and retired to the kitchen to make a cup of tea,,passing the mirror i looked up to see this strange woman with bed head hair with two sets of glasses perched on her head,,two ,god almighty i must have fallen asleep with one pair on and when i ran down to see him had grabbed another pair and plonked them on my bonk too,,no wonder i was being given funny looks,,oh well it might start a trend,,the nearly demented housewife look,,actualy i think it looked quite fetching and on pouring tea wandered back passed them with nose in the air with my two specs proudly in my hair,,,

and reality returns

2010-05-14T04:27:00.002+01:00

Bad day,,some would say bad life,,but no,,late shift was once again dealt with and survived,,so much less work than an early ,but so hard.Hard i hear you say,,yes hard as i know that Colin would be on his own,,i cant do a late and visit,,impossible,,the girls work to late to make it through to their dad,,and friends and family,,well,life goes on,,and reality and life intervene and you have to make desicions,,so lates are done,,i dont moan,,who would care,,but my mind is in edensahll ward with my man,,i hope he can feel me i am there,,,i dont sleep and if i do nightmares come,reffer to previous blog,,the guilt,,i wish i was one of those lucky people that just rail road through life,,without a care for anyone but themselves,,but i see them i know them,,they are on their own and lonely,,but i have family I care and so i will never stop having nightmares,,never stop caring and will always be hurt.This is reality,,so Colin i am sorry,we will be there today ,tomorrow and forever,,but somedays i have no choice,

nightmares,dreams,reality,fact,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

2010-05-14T04:03:00.002+01:00

super heroes stand down,,no further action to be taken,,,,,,,,,what who will save the world,,,the world as we know it,,,,,call super heroe union,,,call jeremy kyle,,,willis , die hard with a vengeance,,the truth is out there,to the batmobile robin,,schwarzenegger standby,,the terminator will have his judgment day,,the truth is out there,,superman,,remove your underpants from on top of those natural tights,,the truth is out there,,do not save the world today,,no further action has been advised. Scoobydoo where are you,,James Dean ,flying machine, pigs will fly ,hell freezes over,,valium induced days,,mogodon induced nights,,reality dreams nightmare,,who knows,,sticks and stones,,,,1301,6 minutes 50 seconds,,sign this copy that,,apply for this apply for that,,permision will be given,,to apply,,to breathe, to live,,desirable but not essential,,drugs alchahol,,your time will come,,work hard,,lips tight,,dont let the bed bugs bite,,nightmares ,dreams, reality, fact sign nothing speak to no one,dont let them in,,your heads to full,,dealt with on the day, no way,,permission permission,big brother is watching you,,,,shhh sleep will come ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

it survived

2010-05-13T01:49:00.002+01:00

Last year for my birthday Colin gave me an ipod,,as im a very old lady who still remembers vinyll this blows my mind,,its so small and thin and holds all the music i love and play over and over again,,I loved it,it makes you feel that YOU too can sing and proves you oh so wrong as you accompany the likes of Celine Dione, Barbara and the rest.It was worn everywhere and my tuneless voice was too,,oh so embarrasing,,but the best part of it was in bed,,,what you say,,yes bed,,Colins habit was to read at least a couple of pages of what ever novel he had on the go,,a habit that drove me crazy,,if you like it read it,,dont put it down,,hence the reason i only read about two books a year,,,so there id be and every night id say,,i will sing to you which hed smile ,,or was it grimace,,no im sure it was smile and id serenade him with my partner of choice of that evening,,,but that all came to an abrupt end on sunday sept 13th 2009,,not only was that the last morning of the night before but it was the last time i saw my ipod,,left behind in the cab of our lorry as Colin was whisked of to intensive care,fighting so hard for his life and the start of this long journey..It has sat in yet another wicker basket through rain and snow and i realy thought it had not survived,,So this evening when i returned from Glasgow and found the above wicker basket and my beloved ipod i knew my night was doomed,,and although Colin is not here yet i have sung every song,,practised with tears running down my face,,in the knowledge that in the not too distant future Colin will be home and once again he will grimace as i treat him to a concert,,,So thank you Annie Douglas for rescuing it and Im sure when Colin is back and at the polo he will thank you too,,well at least i think he will x

move over and let me sleep

2010-05-12T21:18:00.002+01:00

Colin and i were both tired today,,dont ask me why,,hmm maybe to do with the second early,me,sleepless nights and gym,,colin,and just generaly life,.May and at 4am this morning there i was braving a snow storm,,yes snow,,i knew this was not going to be a good day,,but there again it wasnt as bad as the inbound passengers from corfu who had just arrived,some still in shorts,,,,,,,,anyway early shift was done,lets not talk about the 8 hours ,,best forgotten,,and 1301 reached,,TTFN,,,,,supermarket was done in record time,,ok it was marks and spencers,,but Melissa gives me a row if she thinks im there,,have to wean myself off,,but its for Colin and hes worth it,,and i am partial to a few treats.Shared stories and had giggle with young Eddie and his mum,,sat in sun for a while,,where did that snow go,,and Colin nearly choked on one of his pills,,was not a good few minutes..no amount of water would shift it,,i made him eat bread,,im sure thats what mum used to do,,and eventualy it started to melt,,yuk,,see i told you i wasnt resposible,,it could have been a lot worse,,,and to think I had just bought him a present,,,,aaaah i can hear you say,what could it be,,a ferrari,,a new ocean going yacht opposed to his old one,eh,,,anyway no much better,,a blood pressure machine,,aagh you say,,yes its recommended to have one in case that,,you know the orange pill syndrome raises its ugly head,,check blood pressure,,migraine type headache,,poss red blotches,,,see sometimes I do listen,,,anyway i thought dont have an emergency choking session ,,and i havent got a choking machine,,i have a blood pressure machine,,i knew it im not resposible enough for this responsibility,,,well you know what i mean,,,,oh god,well if you ever need a blood pressure machine,im your girl,,but dont ask me to do the heimlich maneuver,, seriously dont,,you will regret it.

1259,1300,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,1301

2010-05-11T20:51:00.002+01:00

Good day today,,well at least at 1301,,,no i lie jeff swanson popped in to say hello ,,we sat and disecteted the politics of the polo world,,whos playing where,,what dates tournaments ect.If was a breath of fresh air,,I do miss the polo crowd,,of course i keep in touch with shirley,,anni douglas,,and the like,,but its not the same as sitting at the edge of a polo field,,sun picnics gossip and chat,,oh yes and then the horses and games,,secondary realy but how i miss it,,Jeff was pleased to receive an email from Colin wishing him a good season,,voice activated pc explained,,it tugged my heart,,even from the enclaves of the southern general,,my polo mad,,well maybe just mad,,husband was thinking of his chums from the polo.How he would want to be part of that squad,,bridles and saddles would be all over my sitting room floor,,saddle oil and mucky clothes,,how i hated that part,,saddle clothes clogging my washing machine,,Colin with his Polo ,farmers tan,,and great discussions with Shirley about the latest delicasy we were going to fill our wicker baskets with for the weekend.Talk of teams and well same chat different year,,well we will be there,,eventualy,,maybe it wont be the same,,but not for the lack of trying,I will pack the wicker basket,,and by hook or by crook i will find transport to get us there,,and then I will pray silently that Colin will settle into his new life,,and enjoy his day,,that the life he has left behind does not haunt him and make him turn his back on the game he loved playing so much,but I will wait and see,

goal plan and beyond

2010-05-10T20:56:00.002+01:00

Colin is coming home for one night,,in about three weeks,,thats how long it takes to sort these things out,,between district nurses,,and community,,but this is great,,he will be home,,only one night,,but then a weekend and then in about 9 weeks home,,,Its scary though,,,i will be on tender hooks,,am i realy responsible for medication and keeping him healthy,,he has no chance realy,,but i will try.Im in bed,,yes i know its only 2100 but im not long home.cup of tea lap top,,how sad am i ,,i have lost track of soaps,programmes ect,,never in till too late,,so here i am talking to you,my friend,,dreading getting up to go to work tomorrow,,but thats a different skeleton in the cupboard,,trying to remember all the things i have to do,,people to ring things to order,,it has to be perfect,,well as near as ,,and lets face it Colin probably wont even notice or care,,,and thats the way it should be,,,he wont care if the white company sheets are on the bed,,the jo malone toiletries are in the wet room or if we use the emma bridgewater tea pot,,these are my department,,he will only care when we turn the key as the lights go out,,goodnight pa,goodnight ma,,goodnight jim bob,,oh damn it i m not in the waltons,,,so back to reality,i hear Matalan do realy good bed linen and as i say he will never notice,bless,,,,

thank goodness for family and friends,,real friends

2010-05-09T21:48:00.002+01:00

Breakfast at the clock,,this has become a bit of a sunday habit,,friends and family that are around and can make it gather in this cute little cafe and share their week over tea and bacon rolls,,it grounds me,,i can chat with people that know and understand me,,they listen and dont judge,,today it was Elaine my sister in law,,Corrine one of my oldest chums and a gathering of young pretty leggy girls,,a mixture of daughters and nieces.I was comfortable chatting about life,,my problems and theirs in the knowledge that it would go no further,no one could use any of this to upset and manipulate me,,no friends and family,,they are the only ones you can realy trust.So feeling more confident that life indeed did not matter outside my inner circle i headed west to my best friend Colin,,the one i turn to with all my problems,,the one that always knows what to say and do,,not that I always like it but then I know he understands.He was good ,,not great,,just good,,we trawled the sunday papers,,he advised me on the latest trauma,we chatted about the girls.We did not go out as we thought we might,,we just werent up for it,,its a big step,,one too far at this moment,,Im too fragile and Colin will do it at his own pace.Tomorrow we have another,,goal plan meeting,,,this is important meetings,,not meetings that you have to attend that are only there to make you feel bad,,,I know sometimes i do not make sense...but i cant explain,,it would only complicate things further,,but this is meetings that change peoples lifes,,,and this is my families life and thats worth fighting for,,the rest as they say is PANTS,,

is this the middle of the night

2010-05-09T01:45:00.002+01:00

I dont know anymore,,it seems normal to be up at this time,,ive neen to sleep,,and now im up ,,and then ill sleep,,,Im always surprised their is no one on face book,,are you all out enjoying yourself or are you in bed. I should have gone to see my chum Corrine,,i should have had a chat and a cup of tea and a giggle,,I should of but didnt,,I was too tired,,im always too tired.Colin is tired to,,bnut he has a right to be,,sometimes spasms wake him,,sometimes the snoring from other patients,,someone is always awake,,needing help,,and sometimes he is just so exhausted he sleeps.We sat in the sunshine today,,the costa del spinal,,,it was nice Colin read his paper,,i turned the pages,,we had a picnic and chatted.what he wanted to do was walk his dogs,,ride his horses,,have a run and even dare I say it cut the grass.He wanted his life back,,me too,,but wants dont get.so tomorrow he will read his paper and I will turn the pages and life will go on.We thought of escaping for a few hours,,book a taxi and go,,but where,,we sat we pondered and neither of us could think of a destination,,no malls for Colin,art galleries,,hmm not realy our thing,,but maybe,,its hard we dont know the area so we are limited in our choice,,and realy in our heart of hearts we know there is only one place we want to go and that is home,but that will come and for now we must be content and I will stop enroute to the west and buy a paper and Colin will read and I will turn the pages and time will pass

toto phones the samaritans

2010-05-07T23:02:00.002+01:00

toto is down,,very down,,she has no idea why her life has turned out this way,,she has tried to be a good fairy,,she has paid all her taxes with fairy dust,,she has worked in the enchanted forrest and raised her young to the best of her ability,but sometimes just sometimes life becomes to much,,she feels let down,,fairies do you no harm,,they protect their families,,do not stand in their way.It would be all too easy to finish this pain,,there are many ways to stop this avalanche of hurt,,sleep,,she needs to sleep and tomorrow will be better,,,,

trouble at mill

2010-05-07T10:13:00.002+01:00

woke this morning to not much better mood,,les text hes going to see colin tonight so at least he will have company,,i have work,,and there is a trouble brewing,,of course im too discreet to go in to details but lets say,,well lets say nothing actualy,,walls have ears,,,annie douglas phoned last night,that cheered me up,,shed phoned a few times,,but my life is chaotic,,no eastenders,coronation street,,no M8 is my life at the moment,,but it will not be this for ever,,oh by the way winter olympics have put in bid to use my ramp as the ski jump..i am contemplating this,,but with the possible closure of hillend ski centre there are a few business opportinities available to me at the moment

seen from space

2010-05-06T21:42:00.002+01:00

the day got no better,,Colin seemed to be on a bit of a downer,,not sure why,,tried the usual,,are you tired,are you in pain,,,are you bored with me,,dont answer that but it was no to all,,so as i left my mood was not great,,i do hate when im not in control of things and Colin not playing my game made me feel bad,,he should be happy all the time,,he should be looking forward to coming home,he should make ME feel better,,but it might be just an off day,,,so as i drove into our drive and caught sight of this monsterous mechano construction i could have cried,,,what was this,,surely to god we didnt need half of george street to get into the house,,never mind the great wall of China,or the seven wonders of the world,,this will be seen from space,,,satelites will be launched to track it,,google earth is investigating as we speak,,oh well,,thats life,,but wait a few fairy lights,a vine here and there,a bit of cath kidson,,there is light at the end of this tunnell,tomorrow is another day,,and i will not let Colin feel down,,im the only one allowed to play that game,,im well practised at it,,

we have lift off

2010-05-06T13:17:00.002+01:00

As we speak i have two hunky males,,ok i exagerate an older guy with a beany hat and his apprentice whose jeans keep falling so far down his backside that i am tempted to go and dig out some bailer twine for him,,,but they are constructing colins ramp,,this is progress,It is the most ugly thing you have ever seen,,a gray mechano construction,,but who cares it will mean colin can come home and enter his own house with ease.Also his wet room is to be started next week,,,and oh how grand it will be ,,i have gone for sort of a roman empire look with out the dancing girls,,but then maybe they could be provided at a later date.So i am winning so far,,of course my social worker,,,the devil wears primark woman,,,is trying to block many essential plans,,but the southern unit are used to this and i feel they will dig their heels in deeper than hers.this is the only two thinks being accepted by the council,,any other plans were considered,,desirable but not essential,,wait till she sees the wet room,,no bland hospital colours for me,,no ,,it will be patina bronze and deep cream ,,no pillars as yet but definatly a very rich manly atmosphere is hoped to be obtained.She of course will pass no comment ,,but their again if she did happen to like it i would panic and redo the whole thing,,to imagine my taste would be similar to this woman,,,,,,noooooo,,,,,,to much,,so the escape from the southern is started,,colin will be coming home for one night shortly,,they like to ease you in ,,,and then home,,its been a long time coming.I am as we speak trying to organise a car with wheel chair accesibilty so i can take colin to one of the polo tournaments later in the month,,definatly desirable and essential,,that is a hurdle we have to get over and we will,,note to self check all wicker baskets and picnic stuff as that day will be done in style,off now to glasgow,,via marks of course,,lets hope the new ramp takes my weight.........................

my own prince charming

2010-05-04T00:09:00.002+01:00

Colin is well,,eldest and middle child,accompanied by Paul headed west to visit,,bank holiday no gym,,so great pampering session entailed,,news of jobs and hen night and weddings were told,,intellectual discussions,,or conversations colin and I dont have ,,were enjoyed,,the sun sone and all is all right with the world.
To all you doubting thomases,,page 18 daily mail on sunday,Prince william was indeed in st andrews this weekend,,for some wedding or other,,that Kate girl was there two,,but they were walking quite far apart in the photo,,i think things are definatly on the wane,,and im sure he must have caught sight of Shelley on his walk,,cinderella all over again,at any time i expect a glass slipper,,or in Shelleys case,,kurt geiger ,to arrive with invitation to the ball,,,what do you mean i am indeed the wicked mother,,well one could hope,,and page 20,,that Chelsea one they reckon things arent too good either,,so there is an alternative plan.
I was in edinburgh,,coffee with great chum Isla,,her daughter Jenny is to marry her own prince charming in a couple of weeks,,so more wedding chat,,love it,,such fun,,life should be full of weddings and flowers and pretty dresses and sun and friends,,perfect.
Tomorrow i head west again,,my own prince charming will be there,,our great friend Mike is to be discharged,,Bev will be waiting at home,,the great day has come,,back into the real world,,back to his family,,i wish them the greatest love and luck,,they deserve it,,and in the not too distant future,,Colin will be home,,,and life in our castle will start again,,,,,,,,,,,,,

29 years and counting

2010-05-02T20:45:00.002+01:00

29 years ago today Colin and I were married,,it will never last,,well they,,and they know who they are,were wrong,,31 if you count our courtship,,3 children,,countless horses,dogs,birds of prey,houses,,and i have loved every minute,,well maybe not every minute but I amd the centre of Colins universe,,,anyway this anniversary was not spent in the caribean,florida,canada or one of the other romantic destinations we have been,but in the southern general glasgow,,full of chat about polo i headed west,,,he was enthralled,,how he wished he was there,,but on his neck i noticed a large red mark,,what is it so off to nurses station,,,slight panic,,bits and pieces adjusted,,it was the very earliest signs of anotomic disfrexia,,,i must learn how to spell it,,,so i felt quite good,,nurse Charlotte to the rescue..it wasnt yet an orange pill moment but if left it could have been,,oh my god where is that damn pill.

st. andrews,,,polo,,polo,,

2010-05-02T20:26:00.002+01:00

It was the first day of summer polo,,not club polo but a student charity event,,,St. Andrews uni,,a breed unto themselves,,amazing outfits,,men in stripy blazers,,did i say men i meant boys,even one sporting a pipe,,no idea if it was lit but hey he looked the part.Oh yes your fair share of raas,,,even dare i say William was there,,you know William,,well we arent exactly on one name terms,but i did stall my range rover right in front of his the last time i was there,,was nearly an incident,,those security men were becoming slightly aggitated as this woman tried to put back in to gear as Shelley was saying ,,mum its William,,,completely ignored her as his range rover whisked off,,,WILLIAM WHO,,,Prince William mum she sneered,,,aagh another moment missed,,,oh well im sure if he met one of my girls that Kate girl would get the elbow,,oh well theres always Harry,,that Chelsea girl,,well im not too sure,

Anyway Shelley Fraser and I picknicked and enjoyed the sport,,,,, and the polo,,,old friends,,all were there,,good friends Amanda,Shirley,Fiona,Judith ,Gillian,,,Thom,james and the list goes on,,they were all there.And they all pulled me through this day,,it was hard ,Isaw the lorries and my heart pounded,,eight months and memories came back fast,,but friends pull you through.Colin would have loved it and as soon as transport is sourced he willl be there,,Life goes on and our life is good you can tell how good by the number of people that care....................

the little orange pill

2010-05-01T21:25:00.002+01:00

Sometimes i have time to think,not often i do admit,visiting times,house changes all keep me busy,and then it hits me,the reality.Colin is well,dare I say,no infections ,no skin problems,but that can change in minutes.His breathing was laboured last night,nursing staff intervened,chest physio,nebulisers,we are in our bubble,,but what when he comes home,,what would I do.I must carry a little orange pill at all times,this is to be taken in the emergency condition of autonomic dislifrexia,,,only in spinal patients and obviously i havent spelt it properly.Me in charge of a potentialy life saving pill,,are they having a laugh.I can hardly remember my house keys.Im scared,responsibility, I cant do this,Im useless,even when the children were ill,,well lets just say they survived,but maybe only just.I could cope with Calpol but this is serious.And i dont do serious,Knowing my luck the orange pill will be required and out of my bag i will pull a HALLIBORANGE,,,Im not responsible enough,,I wouldnt want me to look after me.
Then I talk to family and friends and little things hit home,,talk of planned holidays,trips and events,things colin and i have talked about for the future.Things that now will never happen and it chokes.Weve had our moments,dream holidays,sun filled days but life has changed,our days will be full of regimented timings,carers and unknowns,,,But Colin will be home and I will be there clutching that orange pill with all my might,God help him ...........................

Home sweet home

2010-04-30T22:06:00.002+01:00

This week we had a new turning point,,,Colin came home,,not for good but for lunch,,he arrived by ambulance,,it was amazing,,it was as if he had never been away,,we relaxed we chatted,,we eat fabulous steaks,,thank you papa,,,and all too soon he was going back to the west,,,but this is good it means he will be home soon,,Melissa and Shelley were there for him the weeks i was away,,I am very proud of them,,Colin was pampered and loved,,,we have amazing children and soon enough their dad will be home,,,but not yet but soon.........Our land line went down,,my mobile played up life was back to normal,,,but my birthday treat from Colin arrived my own lap top,,im in love,,so now i can surf at 2am,,i can write emails in bed,,the world has changed,,so for those of you who have stuck by me im back,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Im home,,,,

2010-04-30T22:03:00.002+01:00

I headed west,,it was the longest journey of the week,,but COLIN WAS THERE,,,his wandering wife had returned ,,he was good,,he has missed me obviously,,he had worried but knew i would make it.He laughed at all my tales,,he shook his head at all my woes I was home.

gay paris

2010-04-30T21:43:00.002+01:00

Emirates were not coping,,people were not happy,,queues formed,,one snappy little madame asked them what they were doing and a glaswegian mama said,,hen we are waiting to put our names for the uk flights,,,aah well it wont open untill 1600,,and then its everyman for himself,,im surprised a glasgow kiss was not given,,this was getting nasty,,,I wondered if i should put on a french accent,,hmm but hey we ran between queues,,we sweet talked agents and yes yes we were on,,the paris flights,,ok not uk but nearer,,,It was a double decker,,weird,,we settled and Louise said watch this film mum you will love it,,,what i sobbed and i mean sobbed all across the arabian gulf,,The time travellers wife,,stewards walked passed with a side ways glance,,and on i sobbed.A chic flick that will do nicely,,jennifer aniston shes always funny,,but no,,Love maybe,,her only saddy,,what there i was again sobbing uncontrolably,,,oh well better out in than out,,,Gay paris,,,what now,,ran between airport to train to train,,no eurotunnell seats for 5 days,,man asking queue if anyone would take 1000 per ticket no takers,,this was surreal,,Calais yes thats a plan,,,sat on case untill departure,,train,next train, bus,,follow the crowd,,queue for two hours for tickets,,we are nearly there,,,Dover,,,There will always be an England,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,I want to go home.What no transport anywhere till 5am,,it was only midnight,,,,Taxi,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,ok it cost me a fortune but dover manchester its a long fare,,and then there was James he came to manchester,,bless,,and drove us home,,,i love home,,i will never go away again,,,well maybe,,,

what happened to paradise

2010-04-30T21:16:00.002+01:00

How funny that taxi driver thought he was,,oh yes he has watched the news,,large ash clouds was going to cause chaos,,yes yes we muttered,,silly man we were going home...rep met the taxi,,mrs mitchell im sorry but there has been an incident,,Emirates are taking no resposibilty,,What im going home,,,in the queue,,no we arent taking anyone with connections,,what,,dont they understand im going home,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Emirates guy was summoned,,a crowd gathered,,we want on the flight,,no no ,,,oh yes we do,,men were becoming quite animated,,,he cowered,,our rep said he could find us a hotel in mauritus,,for the bargain price of 240 euros a night,,,what im going home,,emirates refused to pay accomodation in dubai,,,oh for goodness sake do they not understand im going home,,,Emirates man buckled,,we were on,,nearly home.Landed next morning,,oh my god,,the whole world was in arrivals,,no one knew what was going on,,no information ,,i want to go home,,,no flights come back tomorrow,,are you kidding,,,credit card was flexed and we headed to five star Hyatt,,,normaly we would be excited but no we were suffering shell shock,,we sat at pool..ok lets make the most of this,,Mall was sourced,,well youve got to see the place,,credit cards are so handy and we did see the sights on the way.Sky news was watched on return,,didnt look good,,Emirates called,,of course madam,we can rebook you ,,lets see,,aah yes the 2nd may,,what im going home,,phone again tomorrow,,,Sun rise,,sky news,,what is going on,,,panic started,,,reception ,yes madam we can give you room for another night,,,releif,,three times the price,,what,,we are leaving.

So whats the plan,,,I had no idea,,back to airport,,come back tomorrow and then it came our saving phone call,,Monica my step mother had a nephew in dubai,,they would take two refugees,,,beautiful home,swimming pool,,great cook,,and two beautiful children,,thank you isha and simon,,you were amazing,,,,,,,,i began to hate sky news,,how many times are they going to tell me how bad things were...........desperate measures,,we ordered taxi to airport...ok we also had bought tickets to athens,,a ferry to venice and then what,,no lets go to airport,,,

to paradise and back

2010-04-30T20:34:00.003+01:00

Is there anyone anyone out there,,,its been a long time,,i didnt mean to it just happened that way,Louise No.1 child and i headed to mauritius for a sneaky week.A week of sun good food and sleep,and thats what we had,,to get there involved two 7 hour flights,,a long time i know but oh so worth it.Glasgow airport,and the first of many queues,,to those from the west i apoloigise but realy,ok i didnt actualy see a shell suit but i felt them,,it was a wiggly queue,,you know the type and there we were,,when the child in the opposite squiggle announced her head was itchy and her mother duly checked her hair and lice were found,,it was like being stood beside a group of monkeys as nits were sourced and squashed and the child was reduced to tears and louise and i backed further and further away from the impending jumping nits,,once through security we felt we were safe,,those little critters could not possibly find us now,,but oh no there they were in costa,,but this time the child hair was up and wet so i assume boots had lice potion,,,safe in the knowledge they were not in the opposite seats,,we were in emergency exits,,no children,,we boarded the plane.Ah peace,,it was going to be 7 hours of movies,,what ,,what is going on some born again hippy was in front of us in my private space doing yoga stretching and holding on to the emergency exit bar,,i fastened my seat belt,,ive seen those films when people are sucked out,,we sat in amazment,,he was definatly a knit your own yogurt greeny,,grey hair grey beard,,which probably now housed nits,,and there he was legs swinging ,,squats,,for god sake we had only taken off,,surely no time for dvt to have taken hold,,,he returned to his seat and the sweetest little boy,,about 2 escapes his seat belt ,,and god damn it there he was,,squatting legs swinging,,he obviously thought it was the in flight entertainment,,Louise just about passed out laughing,,you think things couldn't get worse,,well 5 hours in two spinster types came forward ,,flustered,,they had been sat beside the flight drunk,,who had decided to become amorous,,well the flight hostie intervened and he came lunging forward and went in the loo,,were not sure if she meant it but we are pretty sure the hostie locked him in,,some unknowing soul came along and helped him out,,,peace reigned,our second flight was realy quite boring in comparism,

So here we were in one of the nicest hotels i have stayed in,,infinity pools with only Louise and i,,heaven,,sunshine and food,,pancakes what more could a girl want,Hells teeth i stood on a sea urchin,,who put that there,,i hate the sea,,snorkling forget it,,hotel doctor,,the weirdest guy very sweet but im sure he doubled as a hotel cleaner in his spare time,,hmmm well anyway foot did not fall off and barr the obvious trauma i survived. A week passed quickly and all too soon we were packed and sitting in reception awaiting our taxi,,there seemed to be a lot of people milling about,,iceland. volcanoes,,oh well we were on our way home,,nothing to do with us,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Pop goes the volcano....

2010-04-19T21:36:00.001+01:00

Some of you may be wondering why the blog has been so scant recently and why Charlotte has not returned in her delightful way to inform you all of her wonderful holiday and how pleased she is to be back with Dad. The long and the short is....that blo*dy volcano!
Mother, who I am very sure will tell you all of her perilous journey in detail when she returns, is currently trapped in Dubai with Louise. There are worse places to be trapped some may say, like glasgow, but there it is that she is trapped. She has been there since Friday. Luckily she was not left like the match stick girl on the street. After the Hyatt Regency doubling the price of their room right before their eyes, I went to Panic stations with the rest of my family finding people to rescue her.
Our guardian angel came in the form of Monica's nephew Simon. How we can ever repay them I am not sure. They whisked straight into action and located mum and Louise and took them into their home to await the end of this nightmare.

Mums current plan!- if the airports do no re-open for international flight over Scottish Airspace...if not....then she will get on a flight to Athens on Wednesday, then take a bus to the ferry port. She will then take a ferry to Venice which take a day and a half, followed by trying to make her way by train or bus to paris via Milan to get the eurostar home. Fingers crossed for the airspace opening. Mum just wants to get home to us. And by us, I mean mostly Dad.

I would just like to say how amazing all the Border Reiver players are. They have started off this season with a 4 hour course in First Aid provided by the St Andrews Ambulance Service.

Amanda Swanson email-"I wanted to let you know that we started our polo at the weekend and we started it at Border Reivers with a 4 hour St Andrews Ambulance course as those of us who had been with your Dad had been in awe of Geoff and Thom for doing what they did and realized none of us was able to do that, hopefully it will never come to that but at least we now have an idea of what we are doing."

I also live in hope that nobody else has to use their first aid skills but am so grateful to the club for providing their players with the knowledge that could one day save a life, like it did for my Dad. We owe his life to the first aid knowledge, skills and bravery of others.

I will keep you all updated on Mum's progress home, and hopefully the blog will return to its normal daily dose when Charlotte is safely in the UK.

Melissa and Shelley take to the M8...

2010-04-09T23:14:00.002+01:00

With Mum and Louise taking a well earned break in the sunshine, Shelley and I have taken over with Dad, and punctuation has returned to the blog. Along with captial letters and full stops.

Dad was on good form today. I battled my way to Glasgow through countless road works. We had a wonderful surprise visit from Gaynor. She brought cheer, gossip and smiles. Always appreciated. With the weather being almost 15 degrees and not windy Dad and I took to the pavements of the hospital to get some fresh air. I do think for a hospital they should have thought better about their pavements, but I guess it is all a bit of a learning curve.

Uncle Charlie drove me West on Wednesday. A welcome relief to the M8. My punto fears the M8 and its traffic jams. It sees the tail end of a jam and the overheating light starts flickering and steam rising from the engine!
On Wednesday Dad was visited by more of his Sykes buddies. I had not anticipated how many of them were coming but it was wonderful to see so many friendly faces. They bring friend news of work and the wider world. Football (yawn), children, christenings and business were the topics of the day. There was lots of laughter. The atmosphere in the day room is wonderful when there is laughter in the air.

Shelley was there on Thursday. Dad was well and helped Shelley through her first solo visit. Once the tea bags were found all was well!